3 Good Eggs

2010-04-01T11:45:00.001-05:00

Its been a long time since I posted. I wonder if anyone still reads this blog?

Pump

2009-06-09T14:36:00.003-05:00

So I am sitting in a hospital room with an epidural in my back. Dont be concerned its a good thing. I am doing a pain trial to see if a pain pump would help my back and leg pain. So far so good. I would never have thought that a needle pumping morophine into my spine would help with the pain but I am for anything that helps. The hospital isnt too bad, the nurses are nice, and I love my doctor. You all remember Dr Lin right? He is great. The downside of the of the drug is that I itch all over. I am told that will go away with time. I sure hope so, cause its driving me nuts! I am here one more night and will be released tomorrow. If all continues to go as planned I will have a permanent pump implanted in two weeks.

The boys came up to visit last night. They had a ball with the room dividing curtains. Ian kept pointing to my IV and saying "Momma has a boo boo". Spence jumped in bed with me and was getting ready to snuggle in for the night. Ollie, I think wasnt real sure what was going on and gave me a couple of kisses. I am glad that no one put up a fight to leave. I actually got some really good sleep last night. Its amazing to me because sleeping in a hospital is never easy for me. Its loud in here and the nurses wake everyone up every 4 hours for vitals. The last nurse I saw was at 1230am and then I woke up to my old neighbor yelling his breakfast order into the phone. He is hard of hearing so his conversations have been kinda funny to listen to. Thank god he couldnt hear the boys they were so loud. I am in a room by myself, which is nice. Hopefully they dont move someone in tonight. :)

First Day of School

2009-05-01T22:06:00.003-05:00

Ian, Spencer, & Oliver waiting for the bus.

Its been a few weeks but the boys have successfully gone to and from school on the bus. They successfully have adapted to the morning routine. Two of them love school and have decided that school, well I should correct myself, riding on the school bus is awesome! Now Ollie on the other hand is having a hard time. He is the youngest in his class and by far the smallest. All the other boys in his class are starting Kindergarten in the Fall. A few have taken him under their wing, which is really cool. But he still gives us that LOOK after he walks up the steps of the bus. I know that he doesnt want to go. I received an email from his teacher asking many questions about him and his behavior. I knew there had to be one in the bunch that wouldnt like the school thing. Ollie scratched the teacher. Uh Oh. He has also been really aggressive with me and his brothers. Hitting and kicking and pushing and pulling. Its really out of character for him. But he is now 3 so maybe that's just part of turning three. By the time he decides that he likes school it will be summer break. Then the struggle begins again in August. Ugh.

With school comes the exposure to other snotty nose little kids and all their germs. The boys have successfully be come infected with said germs. Ian was home a few days last week. Ollie and Spence were home this week. Ugh. I thought the mornings were "me" time. Little did I know that I would have to give up my precious 3.5 hours and become a Mom again in the morning this soon. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you, the boys go to school 5 DAYS A WEEK!!!! YAHOOO!!!! :)

Tuesday is THE DAY!!!!

2009-04-11T22:40:00.003-05:00

I cant believe that the savages are 3. Its just amazes me that we all survived the first three years. I have a hard time remembering things from when they were younger. I am glad that I kept a journal. Seriously Mommy brain, or should I say 40 year old Mommy brain is in full swing. I think it might be some early form of Alzheimer's or something. Maybe its because I have three boys who command my complete attention and seem to drain me by the end of the day. Hmmm maybe that's it.

Anyway, Tuesday is the first day of PRESCHOOL!!!!! I am so ready for it. I dont know if they are but I am sure after they get used to riding on the bus and getting up early all will be good. DH is going to take Ian to his school, and I will take Spence and Ollie to their school. After school, 2.5 hours later, they will all get on the bus and head home. OH its sounds so heavenly.....the boys will be someone else's problem for the morning...just kidding. Wait. Am I kidding? Hmmm not sure. Gotta think about that one.

Getting the boys into the school's district's preschool was a nightmare. It was quite stressful. But in the end they "miraculously" found three open spots in the AM classes. Whatever. I seriously hope that we do not have to deal with the school social worker again. She is an idiot! Or maybe a twit? Not sure. Probably both. LOL. So going to school meant that the boys were no longer eligible for the Early Intervention program that brought Speech and Occupational Therapy to the house. It was very sad to say goodbye to the OT. Ollie cried. I cried. Jenny is so sweet and had been with the boys for more than 2 years. They love her. I love her. She is always so positive and found good things to say about Spence and Ollie even if they were fighting with her that day. I really hate to lose her but we may take them to see her, at her office, over the summer if they arent on track. Spencer is pretty close to being caught up, but Ollie is still a work in progress. But they have come so far with her help. Those monkeys werent even sitting up when she started seeing them. She was really instrumental in helping Ollie to transition over to the sippy cup. He waited until she went on vacation and then started holding his cup. I took pictures for her and showed them to her when she got back and we both laughed. That Oliver does things on his own time. Same holds true to this day.

The boys will be receiving speech therapy at the house starting in May. Our wonderful ST has agreed to stay with the boys, at our expense. Damn insurance company wont pay for ST. So with a little help from their Grandma and Papa she can keep coming to the house once a week. Oh and SHHHHHHH dont tell the school district. They might try withhold ST at the school. That's a story for another time. I'll just say that we didnt start off on the right foot. Let's hope the school doesnt try to pull any more crap. Kim can stay with us throughout the summer and keep the boys on track. They are finally just starting to talk and are like tape recorders. Repeating everything that we say. Which isnt always a good thing. Spence says, "shit" in his cute little way. Of course that is me that he is mimicking. Yay! Mommy has a potty mouth. LOL. At least that's the only bad thing that he says, cause Mommy says some pretty bad things. :)

Birthday Pics

2009-04-11T21:39:00.002-05:00

Ian

Spencer

Oliver

Hello?

2009-03-20T22:57:00.003-05:00

Its been forever since I have updated. Not for the lack of things to say but the time in which to write. Plus I got a Wii at Christmas and that has taken precedence. Sad, I know, but true.
The boys are good, growing nicely. They are about to turn 3 in a few weeks. I cant help but think back three years ago. I was in the hospital on mag (magnesium sulfate) and was miserable. Everything felt so out of control. I still, at that point, had no idea how dramatically my life would change. Three years later I cant really say that I like being a stay at home Mom. I really dont understand the women who just love to be with their kids all the time. I guess I am just not wired that way. I am counting down the days until they can start preschool in the school district. Its 24 days and counting. Gotta love the state of IL, the school is required by law to pick up my kids at my driveway. YAY!!! I really cant wait. Its only 2.5 hours 4 days a week but its a start. I think they will be at two different schools but thats fine. They need a break from each other and I cant wait to see how they blossom.

I will post some new pics soon. My card reader isnt working, well wait, its working but it only shows me the pictures it wants to show....bastard. Hopefully I am getting a new one soon.

Mommy Brain

2008-11-06T14:45:00.003-06:00

A couple of weeks ago DH and I ventured out for dinner with the boys by ourselves. We had never done this before because its so chaoitc. We went to a buffet style restaurant so there wouldnt be mutiny at the table. No one really noticed us, which was fine by me. The boys were eating and DH was on one of a million trips to the buffet, to fetch grapes that Ollie later threw up on the floor, when a lady came up to us and started asking if the boys were triplets. I had a mouth full of food and nodded my head and smiled. She then proceeded to tell me that she was an identical twin. Me, being the Mommy brain idiot, asked if she had a sister or a brother!!! OMG I couldnt believe that came out of my mouth. She looked at me like I was a nut. I dont blame her, I just wasnt thinking. Now I understand why people ask silly questions, they must be suffering from Mommy brain like me. :)

Big Boy

2008-11-06T10:20:00.002-06:00

The cold that the boys have is still here. Poor Ollie has to have breathing treatments to help his lungs. I dont like that he has to have them but I know that they help. When the boys first came home from the NICU they all had to have breathing treatments twice a day. It was crazy. Luckily, Ollie is the only one who needs them now and just when he has a cold. Yesterday, much to my surprise, Ollie sat by himself while receiving the treatment. He's come a long way from ripping the mask off his face every chance he got just a year ago. I am so proud of my big boy!!

Boys on Halloween

2008-11-03T20:47:00.010-06:00

Oliver

The little devil wouldnt wear his horns but his brothers would!

Ian

Spencer

The boys were sick but tried to make the best of it. As you can see Ollie wasnt really cooperating so I think his costume was perfect.

Round one

2008-08-29T22:21:00.002-05:00

I had the epidural steroid injection this morning. It was kinda weird that I wasnt nervous. I just wanted to get it done. The pain doc, Dr. L, was kinda grumpy but was professional to me, just not his staff. I did get a little scared when the fluoroscopy machine kept turning off and the radiology tech couldnt fix it, so then Dr. L couldnt see where he was injecting. But all in all I was relaxed and ready to get this first one over with. My right leg went numb, which was a welcome relief because its been hurting non stop for more than 6 weeks. I am a little sore at the injection site but I feel pretty good. Next injection is on Wednesday. I really hopes this takes care of the pain.

New pics, Rapman & NIN

2008-08-27T14:09:00.005-05:00

Spencer

Ian

Oliver

A week ago I went to see one of my favorite bands, Nine Inch Nails, play live. It was an amazing show. The lights, the music, the drunk people, it was great. I also took Colleen, who is 16, along. She got to go see NIN the day I was implanted with the boys back in October 2005. I had planned on going but didnt want to chance anything, so I stayed home. DH took her and when NIN hit the stage DH called me and I listened to the concert via cell phone. It was good but I still wanted to be there. Colleen is my surrogate little sister. She is one of the kids that I used to nanny for. She was 6 months old when I met her and has really turned into a beautiful young woman. And I was thrilled that I could turn her onto a lot of new wave and alternative music, especially NIN. She had a great time at the concert and so did I. We had general admission tickets and me being older and less tolerant of shenagians I was worried. I told her that we had to stay toward the back because people get kinda crazy when you get closer to the stage. I wasnt worried about me, it was more about protecting her from the drunk ass idiots up there. Well I guess there can be drunk ass idiots everywhere and we were right behind Hindu arms girl and her boyfriend who thought that he was at a rap concert. Rapman was very annoying and verrry drunk. He kept talking and then would loose his balance and then fall back on Colleen. It drove us both crazy. I decided to fight back and when he came back toward us, I just pushed him back. Once he slipped and fell on the floor and I secrectly wished he would have hurt his leg and then would be hauled off, but that didnt happen. A friend of his was close to him and saw what was going on and he came over to help. He kept staring at Colleen the red headed beauty and he protected her for most of rest of the night.

The boys like NIN as well. If we are in the car and they start fighting all I have to do is put on some Nails and they get really quiet and are content. NIN was one of the first concerts that they went to while in utero. I went to see U2 at 8 weeks pregnant. Since I had missed NIN in St. Louis, they were doing a college tour in February and were in Champaign so I got tickets. Now those were very good seats, 7th row center. It was very active in my belly that night. I was hugely pregnant at 21 weeks but that didnt stop me from having a good time.

2008-08-26T10:25:00.002-05:00

I got the call at 5:10am this morning. DH arrived in CA but at a totally different airport than where he was supposed to be. Things were all messed up with his hotel and the car rental but when he called he was in his hotel. He sounded exhausted. I know I was. I called him around 12:50am to tell him that i was going to bed and he was still in Denver and had been rerouted to Oakland, and that plane was over 3 hours late. I was just glad that he was at his destination and the plane landed without incident. I know he is tired. I am tired from worrying about him.

The boys are doing good, although they all have colds right now. I am the only one who is healthy. Wait I shouldnt have said that. I will probably be next. :)

Friday is my first epidural steroid injection in my back. I am glad that it is finally going to happen and hope that it helps with the back pain.

Connecting in Denver

2008-08-25T22:45:00.002-05:00

What is it with the flights from St. Louis to Denver? Everytime DH and I go through that lovely airport something gets messed up and we end up staying in the Mile High City for a night. Tonight DH is on his way to Silicone Valley in California for training for his new job. He took the latest flight he could so he could hang out with me and the dudes. He leaves at the scheduled time and then when I was coming in front putting out the trash he was on the phone. I asked him why he wasnt in the air and he said that he was on his way to Denver but the plane was leaking fuel and they had to return to STL. Thank God they noticed the fuel leak and came back safe and sound. Now the real problem is that he just barely missed his connecting flight in Denver. That flight was running late itself but had already departed the gate before his plane got to its gate. SHIT!! Now I dont know all of this for sure, I am just checking the handy dandy flight status checker on United.com. I sure hope that some how that plane heading to San Jose waited for him and that the flight checker is wrong. He is so tired and has a lovely cold that the boys also have. I am the only one who doesnt have it.....YET. I hope he doesnt have to stay in Denver for the night.

Restriction

2008-08-03T21:48:00.005-05:00

There is one thing that I have done throughout my life, when someone tells me what I cant do, I do it anyway. Today was no exception. I have been having back pain lately. Some very serious back pain that I have never felt before. I always chocked up the back pain as something to do with endometriosis, and I had been told that as well by several doctors. This started a few weeks ago. I had just been cleared by my gyn to go back to yoga class and I had no restrictions at all, even when lifting up the boys. I was all excited cause I needed a relaxing night at yoga class. Two days later I had some wicked pain in my lower back. The next day the boys went for their 2 year check up, 3 months late, better late than never I suppose. Anyway in the office I went to pick up one of them and my back spasmed. I had not ever had a back spasm before. I thought little about it at the time but that evening it got worse. So I went to an urgent care place to have someone check it out and give me some muscle relaxers. X-rays were taken and the doc told me that I have probable spinal stenosis and sciatica. Fine, whatever, just give me something to stop the spasms. Two days later it wasnt any better. I called my doctor. He sent me for a CT and physical therapy. CT came back with mild spinal stenosis and bulging discs. Oh joy!! I thougth I was done with this pain thing. I am now being referred to a pain specialist for some epidural steroid shots. I just want this to pain to stop going down my leg!!

After having the hysterectomy done in June, I took a lot of crap from the MIL. I wasnt supposed to do this, or that. But she didnt know what my restrictions were, she just wanted to boss me around like usual. I took it, I was weak and recovering. After 4 weeks of her being in my house and taking care of the boys I couldnt take it anymore and I lied and said I had no restrictions. I wasnt supposed to be picking up the boys but I knew that if she spent one more day in my house that something bad would happen. She had to go. The first morning that she didnt come, Ian was sitting in the window waiting for her. He turned to me and said, "Gahma come?" I said that she wasnt coming today and he turned to me and clapped his hands and said "YAY!!" So I know it wasnt just me that needed a break from her. So fast forward to today. She has no idea what my restrictions are or even if I have any. DH and I went to see Batman and went shopping. We had lots of stuff in the car and I brought some in and she told me that I should sit down and that I shouldnt be carrying anything. Ok, fine, you might want to say, "ahhhh that was really sweet". Stop right there! It wasnt a sweet moment. It was her trying to tell me what I can and cant do. So I turned around and went out to my car and grabbed the bulk toliet paper pack, batteries, and anything else I could get my hands on and brought it into the house. DH knows not to tell me what I can do, he just lets me decide and when I tell him I cant bend over one more time, he believes me and takes care of it. Why does she think she is in charge of everything in my life? You would think that she would get tired of trying to boss me around when I do what I want anyway. Man that woman makes me nuts.

P.S. My only restriction is not to inflict bodily harm upon her. :)

Popsicle

2008-07-24T10:04:00.005-05:00

Summer Fun

2008-06-23T23:25:00.000-05:00

I've been a good girl

2008-06-11T22:17:00.002-05:00

I dont know if its all the pain meds that I have been on latley but last night I had a nightmare about losing one of the boys. IT was so scary. I woke up with tears in my eyes and visibly shaken. The dream ended at the point when we finally found him. I was so upset and freaked out. Poor Ian, he had to be snuggled all day and night today. I have never had a bad dream about one of the dudes so this was really scary. I think I might be sleeping too much! :) Well at least I am supposed to lay down during the day and rest so I can recover from surgery. Today I started watching the last season of the FX show "Rescue Me" Its a great show and I wactched 3 episodes this afternoon, and cant wait for the mail to show up tomorrow and I get the next disc from Netflix.

I seem to be healing pretty well. I go for a follow-up on Friday with Dr. Mc Closkey. I think she will be very proud of me for doing what she told me to do and rest. Most importantly not to pick up the boys, which has been really hard on them and me. But I am following instructions with the hope that I will get some of my restrictions lifted. God knows I gotta get my driving privledges back. I dont feel stir crazy but would just like to get out by myself and do something I want to do. I want to go have a pedicure done so I was thinking of asking a friend to see if she wants one and then she could drive me. :) So Julia, if you are reading this, do you wanna go get a pedi anytime soon?? :) My toes are in need of some tlc. DH did his best by painting them but its just not the same. :)

Please take my poll. I am curious what people think and what they have done. If you have a strong opinion on what I should do please leave me a comment in the comments section. Or you can email me with your thoughts. 3goodeggs at gmail dot com.

The first one

2008-06-09T20:23:00.002-05:00

So it happened, just as my doc had predicted 7 days post op. The dreaded hot flash. It wasnt pleasant. I'm not complaining, I just turned the ceiling fan on high and turned down the a/c to 50 below zero, and I was fine. I thought about getting the boys winter coats out for them but they survived. After a while it was very cold in here. I turned the a/c back up to an inhabitable level and everything is now fine. The icicles have melted and its now longer like living in the polar regions. It's gonna be a cold, cold summer here in the Midwest!!

Dear Chris

2008-06-06T23:11:00.004-05:00

Dear Chris,

As you already know I had surgery on Monday. You know, the one that you told me to have almost 14 years ago. I had planned on you being there to do the honors, but you left this earth way too soon. But I know that you were there in spirit. I could feel you the night before while I was lying sleepless on my bed. I think you were rubbing my back and trying to let me know that it would be ok. I also felt your presence when I arrived at the hospital. I felt you sitting on my bed watching over the nurses who were getting me prepared for surgery. I know you were there. It was so comforting. As I was being wheeled down to the surgery suite, I didn't feel you. I got scared and thought that maybe I had made the wrong decision. I arrived in the room and you were definitely there waiting for me. You were the last thing that I thought of before I was off to sleep. I was hoping that your replacements could fill your shoes and have the same skilled hands that you had when it came to cleaning out my endo. I woke up about 4 hours later in the recovery room and I was hurting. I was also terrified that I had a laporotomy to remove my uterus and ovary. I saw my doc approach and she was smiling. When she got close enough I could hear her say, "I have very good news for you." I tried to smile but the pain was too great. She went on to say, " you have 4 holes in your belly and a few stitches in your vagina. You know what that means?" I just smiled and said to her in my rough raspy voice, "I LOVE YOU!!" I knew right then and there that you were there guiding the two surgeons hands and that you didn't let the 2nd year resident make too many mistakes when he got his chance to remove some adhesions. I was so happy, in pain but very happy. I could also tell you were around when I was alone in my hospital room. You gave me a lot of strength to get through the first night even though it was pretty bad until they gave me a pain med pump. Then I was quiet as a mouse, just every once in a while I would push the button and it would chirp. I made it though the first night very hungry and ready to go home the next morning. I had learned all the things that I needed to do, from having previous surgeries with you. so as soon as I could I ordered breakfast, the real kind not the liquid kind, asked to sit up in a chair, and then after breakfast got up to take a shower, which amazed my nurse who couldn't believe that I wanted a shower. I knew that if I did all these things and went to oral pain meds that my ticket would be issued that day and I would be discharged. I was still in pain but deep down I could tell it wasn't the same kind of pain that I had going into the surgery. That made me reassured that I had made the right decision to have this done.

After I got home that night and everyone was in bed, I could tell you were here with me. It made me cry this time because even though you weren't there physically you were with me watching over me and taking care of me like you always did.

Yesterday your wonderful Mom came over and brought DH and I food for a few days. When we were alone I told her that I felt that you were there with me at the hospital but that when I was being wheeled down to the OR I thought you were gone, only to find that you were there in the room waiting there after scrubbing in. She got tears in her eyes and so did I. We both knew that you were there and guiding the surgeons hands.

My current gyn doc told me that she could tell that I had many previous surgeries but in the areas that I had endo I did not have it previously because the old surgery sites were clean and free of endo. She complimented you on being such an excellent surgeon and keeping me in good shape to have had the boys. Mostly what I had this time was adhesions and there were lots of them. But that is no surprise to either of us. My uterus had a gnarly adhesion that went from there to my ovary and then that was adhered to my rectum. I guess now I know why I had massive leg and back pain. There was some new endo there but you and I had been keeping it at bay for so long that it wasn't that bad. So for that I thank you. I thank you for lots of things, but keeping me comfortable while I had to do a crazy things like trying IVF and then ultimately using donor eggs to get me pregnant. I am sure at times I seemed crazed about having kids but after raising your kids I knew that I had to have some of my own and didn't trust anyone else to care for some precious embryos. I had to get pregnant and experience that so I could say F-you to my crappy ovary. :) I am glad that I took the risk with the donor eggs and now am a Mom. Without your encouragement and understanding I wouldn't have done it. I don't know if you know this but when I was getting wheeled into the OR for an emergency c section you were the only one I wanted to talk to. You told me it would be ok and to try not to freak out. The boys would be ok. And after you came up the next day to see my boys, you were so happy that we both cried. Its makes me very sad that they will not get to know you but I do have photos of you holding them when they were really tiny and the past two Christmas's. I will cherish those forever.

So Dr. C I did it. I made another life changing choice that turned out to be one of the best things that I could have done for myself. I know you were there with me. I appreciate all that you did for me when you were in this life and I am grateful for what you have done for me even with you in another life. You are my great friend, sister, Mom, and role model. I promised my boys that with me feeling better soon and not being in pain that I would become a new lots more energy kind of Mommy. I just want you to know that I didn't just do this for me, I did it for us. So I would have more energy to take care of our kids. When you passed I decided to take on the role of great friend, sister, Mom, and role model to your kids. So now I will have the energy to take care of all of our kids. So thanks for doing what you have done for me here in my physical life and beyond. You are a great friend. I miss you but I know when I need you, you will be there with me and my boys comforting us from beyond. One day we will all be together again and drinking some wonderful wine.

Love,
Christine

Can you believe it?

2008-06-03T23:16:00.002-05:00

I'm home! I am doing rather well. Just very sore and tired from being woken up all night long at the hospital to do vitals, inject meds, etc. I'll write more later. Its all good though. At least I what I can remember is.... :)

T minus 29 hours and counting

2008-05-31T22:48:00.003-05:00

Tonight I saw Sex and the City movie. Dont worry I wont spoil anything but I will just say that if you are fan of the show then you will love it. I went with my girl Julia and we had a great time and also went to Chevy's for some margaritas. The talk, food, and Margs are just what I needed. I havent felt that giddy in a long time....it must have been the jumbo Marg.

So I chilled out and Spence seemed to settle down. Today DH took my place and starting whigging out. I know he is worried about me but he should be more worried about the dudes. I will be fine although I'm not so sure how the guys are going to handle it. Ian has the stomach flu, which couldnt come a worse time, but seems to be on the mend. Nothing would suck more than having a major abdominal surgery and then having the stomach flu. I dont even want to think about it. It would just be bad. Hopefully the other two dont get it and all remain healthy while Mommy is away.

I have some great photos of the guys but I push a button on my camera and now I cant get my memory card to communicate with the computer. I gotta read the book and figure out what I did but that will have to wait until I have lots of time on my hands. Which is coming up really soon......

Seconday Anxiety

2008-05-29T22:35:00.003-05:00

Apparently I am showing some of my anxiety about surgery to Spencer. Poor dude has been acting nuts for the last few days. I guess I have been acting nuts as well. I have been feeling crappy and had a short fuse. He had an even shorter fuse and that mixed with being 2 doesnt make for a nice household. A few days ago I began talking to all of them about how Mommy is going to be gone for a few days and when she gets back she will not feel so great and she wont be able to pick them up for a while. Ian and Ollie just smiled at me. Spencer gave me a look. I dont know how to explain it but it was different than normal. The last two days he has been crying for no reason, sobbing actually, and is inconsolable. I thought that maybe he was getting his molars in, cause Ollie is chewing away and droolling. I gave him some ibuprofen and then tylenol and that didnt seem to do anything. So today when DH came home, I was at my wits end, he was crying along with everyone else, and I suggested that we take him to the pediatrician tomorrow if we can get an appointment. I called the office at 4:25 and they asked if I could be there by 5:15. We were there by 5pm! As soon as he got into the car he was fine and talking and laughing. He clung to me at the peds office for a while and then he became the old silly Spencer that I know. Dr. S checked him out and asked a million questions and the last one was, "which one is the sensitive one in the bunch?" Of course its Spencer. I explained that I was having surgery on Monday and was worried about how the boys would take it with me not being at full capacity. She smiled and said, "he's a Momma's boy, he knows when Momma is upset so he gets upset". Great, I make my kid a basketcase!! She was so nice about it all and told me that his ears look fantastic. Which is great to hear. We talked for a few more minutes and explained that kids pick up on anxiety more than husbands do, her exact words. LOL! So not to worry he wont be scared because of my surgery. I was glad to hear that. She said there was nothing she could do about the Mommy guilt that I was having. :)

I have been kinda irritable and cranky as of late. The main reason is that I dont have all my pain relief meds, which if you read this blog you know that I am a fan of ibuprofen and Aleve with some Vicodin mixed in for good measure. Hopefully after the intitial recovery period I wont need to take them unless I have a headache. At least that's the plan. And I am trying to be positive, which to a lot of people who know me is surprising, but I really can be positive its just more fun to complain. :)

Also I am nervous not knowing what type of surgery is going to be performed whether its a lap or laporotomy. Another reason I am all nervous is because to be honest I dont really know the two doctors very well that are going to be performing it. My old gyn, who I miss dearly, would make me feel so comfortable and I trusted her with my life. The same way she trusted me with her kids lives. So its not the same and I do trust my docs but I still wish it were her doing it. I wish she were still around to hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok. I wish she were around to hear about her 16 year old daughter's first date. It's just so sad. I am very sad. I think this a great part of my anxiety. There is no way to change the situation so I am trying to not think about it but its hard. I know that this is all normal anxiety mixed in with some underlying depression and I shouldnt worry but since its rubbing off on my little snuggle bunny Spencer then I need to chill out. I have been cooking like a mad woman. I need to just put the rest of the uncooked meat in the freezer and let it freeze. Eating MIL's food for a while wont kill me, at least I hope. Tomorrow I am going to have a good day with the boys. We only have 3 more days together as me playing the roll of Crabass Mom. Hopefully Crabass Mom will cease to exist unless provoked in the future. Its the pain, I'm telling you, that makes me crazy.

5 more days

2008-05-27T22:37:00.002-05:00

Today I went to St. Mary's for some pre-op testing. Just lots of blood and they gave me some antibacterial wash that I am supposed to use for two days prior to surgery. I dont know what's in it but it smells kinda icky! If that's the worst thing I have to do then I shouldnt complain.

Today was also DH's last day at his old job with the ob/gyns at St. Mary's and we brought the boys by to say "hello". Our last stop was in the NICU. One of my favorite nurses that the boys had, her name is Kelly, was there. We cant hug because of germs but we were so excited to see each other. She was so much fun to have around and always kept me calm when something was going wrong. She is an awesome nurse, anyway I told her that I would be on the floor and hoped she would come down and say "hi" after my surgery. She said she would and would bring the posse of my other favorite nurses. We didnt get to see all of our favs because they werent there so hopefully I will get to see them next week. The most interesting part of stopping by the NICU was that a set of quads had just been born and the Dad was there washing his hands and turned around and just said "WOW!!" when we rolled in. I really dont think he has any idea what has just happened and how much his life is going to change. He was very nice and I gave him my number and told him to call me or have his wife call. He was so cute, all doe eyed. Mom of the quads rolled in on her gurney and I said hello and told her to call me if she had time. Those first days in the NICU can be so scary. Well the whole NICU experience can be scary. Hopefully it isnt too scary for them and that its a short stay.

I've been busy cooking and preparing the house. Tomorrow I am making chicken marsala and a few other things. That is if the boys are in good moods and will not require my undivided attention. I am getting kinda nervous about the surgery because of the boys and how life is gonna change for a while and i wont be around much. I worry mostly about my snuggle bunny Spencer cause he like to snuggle lots with his Mommy. Not sure how Ian and Ollie are gonna react butI hope it isnt too tramautic for them. I know its gonna be hard for me not to be around them but as I get better it will be easier on everyone.

Routine Change

2008-05-23T21:26:00.005-05:00

There has been talk of a routine change with the boys while I am recovering from surgery. Now if you read this blog regularly you know that I like the routine we are in and am only open to suggestions from DH. Any changes made by my MIL is not an option. EVER!! I know I might be a little nutty about this but I believe that routine is good and helps the boys know what to expect day after day. I am flexible about times but not about changing naptimes or locations. It just seems silly to me. So early on in the discussion of the possibility of me having surgery the MIL asked if the boys therapy could be moved around to different times. I, of course, said NO. If the therapists want to change therapy times then fine I will accomodate them, its no big deal. But to change because she doesnt want to be here 3 mornings a week so the boys can have therapy is not going to happen. I already warned the therapists that she had been talking about it and if she mentioned it to them or tried to change anything to call me and let me know. I will be here to sign the progress notes so I can stay up on their therapy after the first week of recovery. So thats not up for discussion. The other thing is that she wants to take the boys to her house every afternoon so I can have some "quiet" time. Whatever, I can see through that it a second. But I asked DH if that would be a problem for him and he said it would be because then he would have to cart them home everyday and bring them into the house by himself. Which is a chore, let me tell you. She wants to make dinner every night and eat at her house. So am I being unreasonable? I dont mind if a few times they go to her house but not every day. My fear is that they will expect to go out every day after I have recovered. Plus I want to be able to be around them as much as possible. I am the main caregiver and they arent used to Mom not being around. The MIL has made it very clear that she doesnt want me coming out of my room because the boys will want to be with me. WHAT?? Of course they will want to be with me, I am their Mom. So you can see what I am dealing with. What do you think? Should I allow the routine to be changed? Am I being inflexible?

My fur kids

2008-05-23T10:30:00.004-05:00

I took the dogs to the groomer this morning and my beloved Chow is getting a lion's cut. I'm not exactly sure how she is gonna like it or even if I'm gonna like it so I sit here and wait. I hope she does ok with her new cut. She will be cooler, cause that girl has lots and lots of fur. It comes out in clumps and it seems that she never stops shedding in the summer. This cut will take care of that, or at least that's the hope. I hope she doesnt hate me.....I told her before I left that all fur grows back. HA! Romeo, my Portie, is getting completely shaved as well. He is a woolly beast and will feel a lot better. Although I do prefer him to be all crazy looking, he will be much cooler. I will try to post before and after pictures later.

13 days and 14 hours

2008-05-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

So the real countdown has begun. I have been thinking on and off about surgery but it didnt really hit me until this morning when I had to make a conscious effort to remember to not take anything with ibuprofen or aleve. I have said before that I live in chronic pain and those two meds are some of my best friends. They keep me sane. Now dont think that I dont have any other pain relief, because I do, its just that the ibuprofen in combination with vicodin kicks endo's ass! V alone doesnt do quite such a good job. But at least I can somewhat function. I think this is by far the worst part of the pre-surgery regime. Now there is the dreaded bowel prep that is coming the day before surgery but it aint that big a deal. I say that now, but it really isnt that bad. Or at least that's what I told DH before he had a colonoscopy a few months back. He wasnt too thrilled about it but luckily everything went fine and he doesnt have to do it again for at least 5 years. Me, on the other hand, am an old pro at the prep the day before surgery. I have done it so many times that I know what the best method of achieving the evacuation will be. I was just lucky that my gyn likes the same method and it doesnt involve drinking a gallon of nasty tasting stuff, just 12 oz of lemony flavored stuff that can be bought at any pharmacy over the counter and the best part is that its CHEAP, less than $2!!! There is nothing worse than having to pay for overly priced laxative that makes you want to barf after chugging down a glass every 20 minutes for hours on end. I put it in the freezer and get it real cold and then use a shot glass and stand over the sink and pretend that I am doing lemon drop shots. It doesnt exactly taste like lemon drop shots but it works. I wonder what would happen if I added a little vodka to it? I am allowed to have clear liquids that day and they didnt say anything about not drinking liquor. Hmmmm.

I have been making meals for the freezer. So if anyone out there has any suggestions for meals to freeze please forward them to me or give a link. I made a mexican lasagna, sloppy joes, meatloaf, and hamburger patties this morning. I also made some banana bread, one is in the freezer and the other wont survive until the morning! For some reason the boys stopped eating nanas and I keep buying them. Oh well, the bread is good and very easy to make. I am going to make some chicken dishes tomorrow and hopefully will have a freezer full of food that can be easily heated up in the oven later when I am recovering. If left to the other option of eating the MIL's food DH and I might lose a lot of weight because her food sucks! DH is all for me freezing ahead of time. He says it was no accident that he was ultra skinny throughout his young life. She makes lasagna and its just gross, but that's a story for another post.

Blah, Blah!!!

2008-05-15T10:49:00.004-05:00

Who me??

The other night we were getting the boys into their cribs and Ollie and Spence were already in them when I called for Ian. He was no where in sight and so I went to get him. It was dark in the living room and I turned the corner and he jumped out at me and screamed, "Blah!! Blah!!" It was so funny. He had never tried to scare me before but I am always hiding around corners and then jumping out at him saying the same thing. He was so proud of himself that he scared Mommy. We laughed and laughed. I think I might have created a monster.

2 hours and 35 minutes

2008-05-12T18:35:00.004-05:00

Wow I cant say enough about the staff at St. Louis Children's Hospital. They were excellent today. Our ENT doc is awesome. We arrived at 6am and was met by a lady from the registration department and she took us to Same day surgery and checked us in and explained things in detail. Then came our nurses they were great as well. Spence was done before 8am and we arrived home at 9:04am. It was an easy day for us. Spencer faired remarkably well without his MILK. I dont think he even noticed it wasnt around. But when time came in the recovery process that he could have some juice he drank down the whole sippy cup in two gulps!! He wasnt too happy and I think was in a little bit of pain but he got some more pain meds and he was very content. He took a 4 hour nap and has eaten a little bit this afternoon and evening. He amazed me today. He did fine.

The best part of the day was that he didnt have to be intubated or completely sedated. All they use is nitrous oxide aka laughing gas. He was done with his surgery in 10 minutes. I was so worried about an IV and the intubation that I was beaming that it wasnt going to happen. Before they took him to the surgery suite they gave him a little mask that smelled like bubble gum and the nurse anesthesist showed him what to do and he had no problem. It seemed way to easy! But that's a good thing.

As he was being discharged the nurse was going over his restrictions and what dose of tylenol he should receive. He kept asking if we had any questions and both DH and I said, "No." Then I said "I dont mean to sound so casual but this procedure was nothing like the NICU experience and we survived that." The nurse replied, "You got that right!"

Spencer's big day

2008-05-11T13:41:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow's the big day for Spencer. I think I am more worried about him than I am for myself in 22 days. Yes, I am counting down the days! I hadnt really thought much about the NICU experience in a while. But I cant help to think about it now. He will be intubated and will be put out for the tubes. That scares me. I suppose all parents feel helpless when their child has a surgerical procedure. I didnt think it would bother me much but it does. I know that he will be fine, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's a 10 minute procedure and is routine but he will be away from me for longer. I think the thing that scares me the most is that he wont be able to have any MILK in the morning. He can be quite the drama queen. We leave the house at 5:30am and should be back by late morning early afternoon or at least that's the hope. I just realized that no MILK for Spencer means no Diet Pepsi for me. Man its gonna be rough. I guess DH and I will have to take turns in the hallway away from Spence while we guzzle down a can or two of soda!! OMG! Pray for us! :)

It's time.

2008-04-24T20:44:00.002-05:00

June 2nd I am finally going to have the surgery that I was told I needed since I was 25, I am now 39. Yep, thats right, I am having a total hysterectomy. It's time. I am tired. Tired of being in pain all the time, 24/7/366. Its so bittersweet. I wanted my old gyn to do the honor but she is gone. Its been a month now. It still doesnt seem real. I miss her. Tuesday her Mom, her friend S, and myself are going to clean out her room and donate her clothes. I think her husband wants us to take everything out of the room, including furniture, but not exactly sure. Her Mom is upset by this but I told her that we should do whatever he wants eventhough we think its insane. Whatever helps them move on and get some closure I am all for it. Tuesday things will seem real. I really dont want to do this but it needs to be done. Anyway, I saw the ob/gyn that delivered the boys a few weeks ago. She was so comforting during the csection that I thought she would be a good choice. Dr. Mc even remembered that I asked her to do the hyst then. She is very caring and spent over 45 mintues with me going over my history. She isnt Chris but she reminds me of her. She has asked the gyn oncologist to scrub in with her and assist. Now dont think I have cancer, this doc is good at removing things that shouldnt be in places that they are. I have lots of that going on. Just to give you an idea of how messed up things are, my ovary is adhered to my uterus and my colon. Good times! I am glad that she is trying to make this my last surgery to remove the endometrosis and my girly parts. I know that a hyst is not a cure for endo but having my uterus and ovary removed will be a huge help in aleviating my pain. Anything would be better than what I feel right now.

Boys are doing good. Ollie has finally decided that he can clap and wave bye. He is changing so quickly its amazing. Ian is talking more and more. He tries to say "tropical bird" because they show tropical birds in one of his dvds and he loves birds. Its so cute. Spencer is just plain wild. He is talking more and more and really changing quickly. He got a dinosaur that roars and walks. Well, I should say, they got it as birthday present. Spencer has decided that it is his. He is trying to roar like the dinosaur. Yesterday I gave him the choice of which pjs he wanted to wear, robots, spacemen or dinosaurs, what do you think he picked?? The dinosaurs!! Roooarrrr!!! Last week we had a meeting with their therapists and the reports were very good. Everyone is coming along well, they are still a little behind in some areas but are making excellent progress. That is all I can really ask for.

We made it to 2!!!!!

2008-04-09T22:12:00.004-05:00

Happy Birthday my big 2 year olds!

Spencer getting ready to destory his cake!

Oliver really enjoying his cake.

Ian, being a big boy, eating his cake with a spoon.

Gremlin

2008-04-03T21:50:00.004-05:00

Today Spence went back for a 2 month check with the ENT. Surprise, Surprise, his hearing hasnt improved and he needs tubes. Fine, whatever. Tubes schmoobes. He is scheduled next month. The funny thing is my only concern is that he be first on the surgery schedule for the day. Anyone that has had surgery knows that after midnight there will be no eating or drinking anything or they might turn into a Gremlin. Spence needs his morning cup or he is C.R.A.N.K.Y. We are second on the schedule. Which is acceptable, I guess. :)

The wake

2008-03-26T23:23:00.002-05:00

Tonight was the wake of my good friend Chris. I think I have been going non stop since the news on Saturday. I am tired. More numb actually. I still cant believe that I stood next to her casket for over 4 hours accepting condolences from people I had never met. You see, unbeknownst to me, she considered me her surrogate daughter. The logistics boggles the mind because she would have been 13 when all this happened and I dont think the technology of the day would have allowed it. :) Sorry my bad way of attempting a joke. In the obituary I am listed behind her kids as her surrogate daughter. I was overwhelmed by emotion when I was told this on Monday. Her kids cried and I cried and we hugged and lots of "I love you's" were said. That was an emotional day. I stayed the night at her home with her daughter, everyone else went somewhere else. It gave me some much needed privacy to deal with some of her private things that her kids should never see. I would hope that if I passed and my friends knew of something that my kids shouldnt find that they would do what I did. It also gave me time to spend with her spirit in her room. I truly believe that she was there watching me and guiding me on what I needed to do. I felt so much love in there. It was absolutely amazing. After my expedition I felt at peace with her passing. I stopped crying . I knew I had to build myself up to be strong for her kids. And I very strong tonight. But wasnt at peace anymore. The only time I cried, and it wasnt a full blown cry, was when an old professor of mine from my college days said hello to me but used my madien name. I graduated over 14 years ago and he remembered me. It was crazy. Of course I remembered him after he told me who he was and I knew that he looked familiar. I loved his history courses, he had a great dry sense of humor. I guess the reason why I cried was because he reminded me that I was really there in that room with her casket. Now this sounds weird but I feel like I am playing a part in a movie or something and Chris is gonna walk in the door and scream "CUT"! It just doesnt seem real to me. This doesnt seem possible. I am so in denial. But I know its real, I just dont want it to be real. I miss my friend/surrogate mother. She has to come back but I know that she isnt. This fucking sucks!

Heartbroken

2008-03-23T12:09:00.003-05:00

I am not even sure what to say. My good friend died last night. I am not really sure what happened but I guess it doesnt matter cause she is gone. I got a call from her daughter around 8pm. I was putting the boys to bed. I am shocked and very sad. I went to her house to be with her kids, I used to be their babysitter. You have heard about her before. I was with them for 14 years, she was my obgyn and my friend. I just cant believe it. All I could tell her kids was that we would get thru this together and I would be there for them for the rest of our lives. She is the reason why I wanted kids. She was also the one who told me that I probably wouldnt be able to have my own children. She supported me through thick and thin, and was probably the most excited when I told her I was pregnant!! She told me that she knew one day I would be a Mom and was proud of me for not giving up.

So my dear friend Chris, I will watch over our kids and take care of them. I miss you terribly and wish you didnt have to leave so soon. Life will defintely not be the same without you. Thank you for being there for me and supporting me when I needed it the most. You are a wonderful woman and the most caring doctor that I had ever met. I hope that you are raising a glass of wine up in heaven with your Dad and Rita. I love you and miss you.

The Invisible Mom

2008-03-17T14:02:00.002-05:00

I got this from an email from a friend. I dont know who wrote it but it touched me.

Invisible {mom}

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible; 'The Invisible Mom.' Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, and she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.' It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride... I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.
Great Job, MOM!

Share this with all the Invisible Moms you know..... I just did. The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.

Emotional Contractor

2008-03-14T22:04:00.004-05:00

Two years ago this week I was admitted to the antepartum wing of St. Mary's Hospital. I had been having contractions for over 3 weeks and had been evaluated in the Fetal Eval unit several times. It seemed like I was the girl who cried contraction because everytime I had an eval all was quiet. I felt my first true contraction at the wake of a dear friend in late February. I knew what it was and tried not be to too concerned and did what the phamplet from the maternal fetal practice said to do. I drank some water, laid down, and tried not to freak out. The next day was the funeral and I felt them there to. Things just went downhill after that. I asked to be put on bedrest and was told that things were fine. Ok, I believed my doc, and went on about my business. I started having contractions all the time but not when I showed up for an appointment or at the evaluation unit of the hospital. I was uneasy as how things were going and wanted someone to tell me to stay off my feet and not do anything. I didnt get that. But that's a whole other story.

Anyway, I guess you could say that I was an emotional contractor. When things got stressful I would contract. My bathroom was under construction and things werent going well. The FIL was involved and that always means problems. The MIL was up my ass giving me all sorts of trouble. Finally the new plumbing was going to be put in the bathroom and I was thrilled. Then the other shoe dropped. When the plumber was doing his thing and noticed that the floor had to be completely replaced. It was the beginning of the end. That night I had to stay at the in laws house because the bathroom floor was competely non existent. I was uncomfortable and very cranky and any extended amount of time that I have to spend with that woman makes me crazier and crankier. I had to get up several times that night to pee, like all pregnant women, and everytime, there she was in her house robe asking me if I was ok. For the love of GOD!!! That next morning I knew that I wasnt going into work, I couldnt stay there for fear of commiting homicide, and I couldnt go home cause there was no toliet and the workmen would be there constructing a new floor, so I did what any smart pregnant chick would do and I went to a motel for the day. The clerk gave me a good room with a recliner after I told her that I couldnt go home because of the lack of facilites and needed to sleep.

That afternoon I had an appointment and knew that something was going to happen. I wasnt prepared. My cervix had shortened and they could detect contractions. I was so upset. All this time I had told them that I was having them and it seemed like no one listened. Then bang, I am being told to go over to the hospital right then to be admitted. I cried and cried. I dont know if I was relieved or scared. I didnt want to be stuck in the hospital for the duration of my pregnancy but begrudingly I said ok, I will go but I want to go home first and get some things. I was strongly cautioned not to, I think for fear that I wouldnt return, but I went home, said a very tearful goodbye to my animals, packed up some things to keep me from going insane, and cried.

Stay tuned....

Peep Show

2008-03-07T14:40:00.000-06:00

The day my tivo died.

2008-03-06T20:01:00.002-06:00

I am so sad. I loved my tivo. It got me through being on bedrest and late night feedings. Today it died. No more tivo. I knew something was wrong a few weeks back when there was a disk error message and its never been the same since. I subscribe to Directv and they no longer sell Tivo brand dvrs, they sell their crappy dvrs. I know this because we have one in the basement and in the living room. In my bedroom, my sad Tivo sits with an error message on it. Its lonely, or maybe I am projecting my feelings onto the Tivo. I dont want a crappy dvr, I want my Tivo back. I think DH is going to buy a new hard drive and try to fix it that way. But who knows how long it will take to get a new hard drive??? I cant help but whine. Its a very sad day. :(

Can you guess what I just bought?

2008-03-03T21:22:00.005-06:00

I have many smudges on the new camera lense. Its fine. I probably shouldnt have let the lense cap dangle so little dirty hands wouldnt be attracted to it. Silly Mommy.

Oh on another note, brand spakin new Nine Inch Nails is available on line!!!! I love that the new music was released without any advance notice and promtly crashed the servers so almost no one could download it. Its amazing how so many people wanted it and freaked out when it wouldnt download. I was one of them last night but did get a few songs today. The cool thing about the new NIN cd is that its all instrumental. I love just about anything Trent does but his instrumentals are always my favorites. Today when I was previewing a few new tracks, Ollie turned and looked at me and got this huge smile on his face. He jumped off the couch and came over so he could get a listen. He just kept smiling. I already knew that the boys were big fans of NIN but wasnt sure if they would like this. Anytime we are in the car and they start fussing I put on NIN and they calm down. So if you like NIN go check out the new cd "Ghosts I-IV" its pretty cool. And you can download it for free......Thanks Trent!!!!

White Hairs

2008-02-14T21:52:00.002-06:00

Tonight I was going on my weekly milk and bread run to Sam's. The place was pretty deserted and there were only a few check out lanes open. Most people were waiting in lines that were a few people deep and I saw that further down the checkout lanes a lone cashier was waiting on a customer and no one was in line. I started to bee line over there and saw that a group of senior citizen ladies were going there to. They kept stoping and looking in their cart so I went around them. Well that made them mad. "SHE'S going to beat us to the check out lane" hissed the smallest of the three. I made it past them easily and said "Sorry ladies." When I got to the lane and turned around, one of them, the oldest it seemed, flipped me the bird! Yes, you read that right, the nice little white haired old lady gave me the finger!! Of course being a smart ass I said, "Wow you are Fiesty!" I thought there might be a rumble right then and there. The youngest of the white hairs told the one who flipped me off to knock it off. I just started laughing. Gotta love shopping at Sams!

Sisterly thoughts

2008-02-13T10:25:00.003-06:00

Last night my sister called to wish me a happy birthday. I was glad that she remembered and I joked that I was one year shy of being "middle aged". Of course, since she is older than me, she told me that 40 is not middle age anymore, middle age starts at 50! I thought that was pretty funny so I am going to go with it. Gotta love her way of thinking.

Oliver's first haircut

2008-02-10T22:20:00.001-06:00

Before

During

After

I wasnt really worried about Ollie. He likes to have his hair brushed so I knew he would be alright. DH said that he walked into the shop and hopped up on a waiting room chair and picked up a copy of Field and Stream and started going through it. It was upside down but he didnt care. I totally believe it. That's just the kind of kid Ollie is. I am proud of you Ollie Bear!

Ian's first haircut

2008-02-10T22:08:00.000-06:00

Before

During

After

Just like his brother who went before him, Ian surprised me at how good he was at the barber shop. DH said that he didnt cry, he has a little stranger anxiety so I expected the worst, but let Dale the barber do his job. I am proud of you E!

Spencer's first hair cut.

2008-02-09T23:45:00.000-06:00

Before

During

After

What a big boy Spence turned out to be. Apparently he warmed right up to Dale, the barber, and sat by himself in the big chair and let him do his work. I couldnt believe it. I thought he would be all over the place and he would come home with chunks of hair missing in weird places. I am so proud of my Spencey J!

Swiffer Man

2008-02-09T15:11:00.000-06:00

If only he could really clean the floor! Ian with the swiffer.

Brothers

2008-02-04T22:17:00.000-06:00

Rare moment of brotherly togetherness.

Ian and Oliver

Escape Artist No More! HA!

Spencer

Long time no blog.

2008-02-04T14:21:00.000-06:00

I know, I know, long time no blog. No one has really been sick and I really dont have an excuse, well maybe I just didnt have anything to write about. I am pretty sure that's the reason.

Spencer went to see the ENT doc at Children's this past Wednesday. He failed a hearing test in December and he was referred to see one for a "mild" loss. I said he had fluid, the tech at the original test said it was more than fluid but not nerve damage. The appointment went well. He had a repeat audiogram and he does indeed have a VERY mild loss. I told the tech that I thought he had fluid, to which she replied, as she looked into his ears, "yes, you are correct." I only knew this because every time we go for a check up with our ped. she says that he has a small amount of fluid in his ears but it has never been infected. We waited forever, almost 2 hours, for the ENT doc, as there was an emergency in another room. When she came in we talked and she checked his ears and of course, as I said earlier, he had some fluid but not enough to make her recommend tubes right away. She was very interested in his continous sniffly nose and now he is on Nasonex for 2 months and then we go back.

Now dont start thinking that I am against tubes. Hell, the boys made it through the NICU, so Spencer can deal with tubes. I do hope that the Nasonex works, cause it kills two birds with one stone, you remember the runny nose that I talked about earlier. But if tubes are in his future then so be it. All I ask is that we are first on the surgery schedule so he doesnt have to go without something to drink all morning long. Let's face it, the boy is a Monster without his morning milk. And of course lets not forget that he is one who throws the best tantrums! But I must mention that the is one of the sweetest in the bunch. Its amazing how different he can be from minute to minute, kinda like a woman with PMS. HA!

Oliver has decided that he doesnt need to sleep all night long anymore. His new wake up time is between 3:30-4 AM. He doesnt want to go back to sleep and is ready for the day. DH and I have other plans. Its so much fun and reminds me of the days when DH and I took turns sleeping and then feeding three little infants. I had really hoped that those days were over but if you have read my blog for a long time you will see a pattern with each boy. Ian did this in late spring and early summer, Spencer did it later summer through late fall. Its just his turn I suppose. I'm not happy about it but hopefully it ends soon.

Ian is signing his little heart out. He signs "more" all the time but sadly most of the time we dont know what he wants more of. He is doing really well with Speech Therapy. I guess you could call him the star performer. I say he's a show off, but the ST likes the other term. Whatever. He is finally getting the last of his teeth in. I am pretty sure that 4 are coming in at once. He doesnt seem to mind.

There is some controversy stirring up with OT and ST. I like our speech therapist but I think she is trying to direct the boys care. The issues she sees with Oliver the occupational therapist doesnt see and she should know because they are sensory issues. I dont see the sensory issues either. I have spoken to the OT and made her aware of what is going on and we are on the same page. Next week she will do a sensory eval. I just dont see anything that the ST is talking about. Oliver gives her a really hard time and doesnt always want to do what she wants him to do, which is how he is with everything else in his life. So to her that means that he has issues. I think he may just not like her. She is very loud and demanding. Our OT is very sweet and gentle. ST was here when OT was last week and she commented on how non demanding OT was with the boys. Maybe thats what her motivation is? I am not sure but in time all will be revealed.

One year blogiversary

2008-01-17T10:42:00.000-06:00

Wow its been a whole year that I have been blogging! When I started I had every intention of keeping this about the boys but as the year past it became more and more about me with a little bit of the boys thrown in. So I am going to change the description to read, "My life with triplet boys who were born via donor eggs". The reason I keep hammering in the "donor eggs" part is that I want people who are curious about the process or possibly thinking that they may have to pursue it themselves to know that having a DE child is just like having a child born from their own DNA. There is no shame in using donor eggs and its becomming more and more commonplace for women who wait to have kids, or who have crappy ovaries like I did. From what I have read a lot of women are afraid to talk about it, for fear of being judged or condemned by their religous faith. I find that to be very wrong but I know it happens. I am very open about it and dont really care what others think. I wanted to have kids and now I do. Its just the way it had to be in order for me to become a Mom.

The showdown continues

2008-01-16T09:16:00.001-06:00

The sippy cup showdown continues. Well actually I gave up. The boys worked together to make everyone miserable yesterday and I had a headache and couldnt handle any more crying. All I wanted was for them to stop crying. Ian did the best of the three. I dont think he cares one way or another about what kind of cup he has, he just wants his milk. Spence and Ollie dont like change and it was so ugly. Oh well I am going to just try to phase them in rather than them just going cold turkey.

Sippy Cup Showdown

2008-01-15T09:25:00.000-06:00

Oh man , its really ugly around here this morning. I dont think anyone has even tried to use the new cups. Spencer, as expected, was very upset this morning so I gave in. Yes I know that I am weak, but remember that I am not a morning person and I just wanted him to stop crying. He was happy but his sneaky brother, Ian, ran off with the cup while I was changing the other two boys, and opened the cup in his bedroom. I was so mad. Everyone cried including me. So I took the old sippy cup away and now I am standing my ground. No more old cups, just new cups, no matter how much they freak out. At least thats what I am going to try to do. Wish me luck.

The power of the tracker

2008-01-14T22:19:00.000-06:00

Wow. I just looked up how people found my latest post and was very surprised. Apparently my use of the word Cricut snagged me two people from a Google search. Too bad it wasnt the Cricut people wanting to know if they could send me some free cartridges or some fancy Cricut tools to go with my new creativity machine. Maybe if I keep using the word Cricut they will be forced to advertise on my blog and that would earn me free stuff? Hmmm sounds like a great idea.

Ok enough about the glorious die maker. The boys are doing well. They are addicted to the Nuby brand sippy cups much to my dismay. They were great until the boys realized that they could push the top in and then dump the milk onto the carpet. It happened a total of 6 times today and I have had enough. I went out and bought two different brands that dont have silicone tops and these can be taken apart. Well until they can unscrew the lids. Lets just say that my new purchase did not make them very happy. Not much milk was drank at dinner or after. I know that in the morning its going to get ugly. Especially with Spencer. He likes his sippy cup that he can take apart and doesnt really like to change up his routine. I cant blame him for that, but sometimes there has to be an alternative to make Mom and Dad happy. Ian seemed ok and so did Ollie tonight but who knows what they will do when faced with the new sippys in the morning. Please, please, please, let them be good and drink out of them and not make this into a nightmare!!! Its 3 against one in the morning and I am not a morning person. So if you are a praying person, please pray for me. I know they will be alright, I just dont know if I will.

Buyer's Remorse

2008-01-13T22:22:00.000-06:00

The other night I was out doing some shopping and preparing for my friend's baby shower. This is the friend that sucked me into the cult of scrap booking. Believe me it was no easy task. I poo pooed it for a long time. I was scared of the typical scrapbook stereotype. Not that my friend is like that at all, but honestly all the gadgets and creativity scared me. I knew it could be expensive and it required A LOT of tools. I started doing it in September and actually really love it. I have amassed many tools and lots and lots of paper. The night that she took me out to help me pick out a book we went to Walmart and bought a few things. I was looking at everything and noticed this fancy machine that could make die cuts. Ohhhhh that would be very cool to have. But the price tag was kinda outta my range and I thought to myself that I needed to make sure I liked doing it before I start thinking about buying this thing.

I digress, I was shopping and bought some more things for the baby shower and came home to wrap them and then go to bed as I knew that Saturday would be busy. I started wrapping the bouncy seat and realized that I didnt have enough wrapping paper. Damn!! I had to go back to Walmart. I was already in my pjs and I was tired. It was only 9:20. Fine, I put on some respectable pants and threw on a sweatshirt and off I went. I found a cute gift bag that matched the wrapping paper and I was going to the freezer section to buy DH some ice cream. I purposely did not go down the scrapbooking aisle. On my way to the refrigerated section I just happened to pass by a display of the Cricut, not just any Cricut, but the big new Cricut that I had checked out a week prior at a scrapbooking store and was now in love with. I had to have it, right then and there. I called DH, because it was a major purchase and I wanted to make sure he hadnt bought one for me already for my birthday. Silly to think that he would buy something ahead of time but I had to ask. He didnt sound thrilled but I didnt care. I bought the damn thing. I was so excited I called my pregnant girlfriend and squealed into the phone! The lady behind me was so giddy we laughed like little school girls. "Wow this is so much cheaper here than at (insert store name here)" said the non scary scrapbooking lady behind me. We both put one in our carts and quickly left the area so we could get home and open it up and start creating. DH was lucky that I remembered to get him some ice cream. :)

When I got home, still very tired, but excited, I opened the box and then got scared. I couldn't believe that I bought it and was having a hard time justifying the purchase. I kept thinking about all the projects and things that I could make for the boys and how much it will save me when it comes to scrapbooking supplies. In the box it stayed for the night. Although I did call my Mom and tell her and she got excited to. I am making a scrapbook for her of the boys. That night I dreamed of die cuts. Oh the fun I could have. The fun my scrapin crew could have. In the morning I still had buyers remorse. I could buy 96 gallons of milk with the amount of money that I spent on it. You know me, the practical triplet Mom, who couldnt accept an $180 purse.

So I went to the shower, which was a lot of fun. The pregnant friend was happy so that makes me happy. I had a good time but at the end I was exhausted. She coudnt fit her travel system in her car because it was filled with presents and kinda bulky so I offered to bring it by but only after I went to Michael's crafts to buy some cartridges for my damn Cricut machine. There were half price and yesterday was the last day. I know, I know, I go from buyers remorse to buying more stuff to go with it! I am such a silly girl. I arrive at Michael's to find that all the cartridges are out of stock and I could get a rain check. Fine, great, whatever. Buyer's remorse creeps back in. On the drive to her house I figure that I might keep it but was really thinking about taking it back. Hung out for a while and then helped bring in the gifts and went home to some very cranky kids. After they went off to bed I got the Cricut out and put it together and started cutting, and cutting, and cutting, and playing with the features. Man I am addicted! Screw buyers remorse. I cant wait to get those cartridges from Michael's in next week! :)

74 degrees. January 6, 2008

2008-01-10T20:45:00.000-06:00

Ian running around the front yard.
Ollie steering the rocket ship.

Spencer and Yu Shan.

As you can see we were out playing in the very warm January weather. Its funny a few day earlier is was 8 degrees out. Strange weather these days.

Random Thought

2008-01-08T10:39:00.001-06:00

Since the ice cream is now safely frozen in the new freezer downstairs, I have been thinking about putting up an ice cream cone dispenser so I dont have to haul the ice cream to and from the basement. Would save some time and definetly be very handy! :)

The big freeze

2008-01-03T22:01:00.000-06:00

The other day I bought some ice cream that both DH and I like. Normally I only buy what I like because I hate to go to the freezer and not see the ice cream that I bought only days earlier. Anyone with a man living in their home knows exactly where this is heading. Anyway last night I went bulk shopping for milk, bread, and fruit. I asked DH to put the new bread in the freezer and he came back with a sad look on his face. He told me that the new ice cream that I bought was thawed and so was the bread that was already in the freezer. Uh oh. You know where this is heading. Luckily since its been very cold here and in the single digits at night the other perishables were still in tact. I think I neglected to tell you that the freezer/refigerator is in the unattached garage. Normally I dont go out there unless I need milk or to find something to thaw for dinner. Twice last year we lost power for several days and had to replace everything. It sucked. So you can see my panic. I went out there this morning and pulled out some chicken and then touched the other frozen foods and everything seemed in tact. Dh got the idea to put a thermometer in the freezer this evening to see exactly where we stood. No more wishful thinking that it would come back on and work again when it warmed up. Silly I know but its just the way I work. He came back with more sad news. It was time to get it fixed or buy a new fancy freezer to store everything. I opted for a new fancy one. We had been talking about buying one forever and now it was time. Dh and I started making plans on borrowing the truck from the inlaws. He calls his parents and then the games begin.

Now, if you know me, you know that I am not really a fancy kinda girl. Yeah I like nice things but they have to have a practical purpose to be worth the investment. I always shop around for the best price and take time to think about what I am buying and if its really necessary. Well, ok, most of the time I am that way. I have on occassion bought something that I dont need and cant really afford but since I have had the boys those days are very few and far between. Having said all that, for Christmas the MIL gave me two very expensive (for me) gifts that arent really practical and I promtly took back because I could use the money for something else, for instance.....food or diapers. But of course she paid with her credit card and I got store credit, which I guess isnt that bad. The reason I mention all this is because tonight the inlaws gave us a hard time about buying a freezer at Sams for $177. The MIL bought me a purse that cost $180!!!! What the hell am I going to do with a nice fancy designer purse? I need something practical that if it gets dirty or puked on its no big deal. She also bought me a sweater, which I would never have worn because of its hideousness, that cost $120. Hello!!! I am the Mom of triplets that barely gets to leave the house except for shopping trips to Walmart, Schnucks, and Target. So you might be saying to yourself, awww those are nice thoughtful gifts. STOP RIGHT THERE, and remember who I am. Practical Mother of triplets. And of course dont forget that I am kinda funky and dont really go for all the designer things and she knows that. Wait, I do have a point.

DH called his Dad when we were done feeding and bathing the boys. I could tell by the phone conversation that he was getting questioned. "Did we know that the freezer would make our electric bill go up by a dollar everyday?" "When did we decided to buy said freezer and where are we going to put it?" "Did we really need one and why cant the one in the garage be fixed." I will answer the last question first. First of all, its none of your business what kind of major purchases we make. Secondly, if we dont get some sort of freezer tonight we will lose all the frozen food by tomorrow afternoon because its supposed to be around 50 degrees. Thirdly, its none of your business!!!! And lastly, DUH we know that the power bill will go up. Ameren IP made sure that everyone, everywhere in the state of Illinois knows that no matter what they do their power bill was gonna skyrocket. The sticker on the side of the freezer said that it was a very efficeint model that would cost $25 a year to operate. And dont think I didnt mention that when we got home.

J.H.C., DH and I are almost 39 years old and we have a family, we arent young kids who are buying some outrageous thing that we cant afford that we will only like while its trendy!! Kill me now.

The freezer is now downstairs in the basement working its freezing magic as we speak. Too bad Dillards doesnt sell freezers, we could have paid for it with my return merchandise credit. Yeah right, impulse purchase my ass.

The Double Whammy!

2007-12-30T19:48:00.000-06:00

I guess I shouldnt have brought it up in my last post. No illness to speak of, yeah right, famous last words. We have all been hit by a cold/gastrointestinal plague. Boys are miserable, so are Mom and Dad. We put the boys to bed a half hour early tonight, hopefully that doesnt come back and bite us in the ass at 3 in the morning. :)

I hope this stuff eases up tomorrow so I can go pick up my knives at Sur La Table. Its especially important to pick them up tomorrow because on Tuesday, the highway that is a direct link, is closing for one year for um...what are they calling it.. oh yeah thats right....highway improvement/reconstruction. I cant decide. I feel so sorry for the people that use that stretch of highway to get to and from work. Its gonna be a bitch to get around St. Louis.

Choo Choo

2007-12-23T14:17:00.000-06:00

Ok, sorry if I scared anyone with my last post. I was just so upset by my former ob's comments. I am better now and am not looking back!

The boys are doing great. They had their second Synagis injection last Thursday and DH and I were bracing for the cold that usually follows, but it hasnt shown up!!! Yay!!! This month we had to go to the peds office, because our insurance co. will not allow for home nursing anymore. Whatever! On January 1st we change insurance and hopefully they will let us have home nursing. But from what I hear United Healthcare is kinda stingy. Please, please, please, let them get the shots at home. Its so much easier and they are exposed to less germs here. Now dont get me wrong I know they have to be exposed to germs but not the nasty winter ones in the doctors office. I want to save those for another time...

Christmas was fun. The boys werent really interested in unwrapping the presents but were happy to play with the new toys. DH and I bought them a Choo Choo Wagon from Step 2. If you have mutliples and are sick of your stroller this wagon is the way to go! I know that they made a limited number of these but they are well worth the price. We have a total of 4 cars. All cars have seatbelts and the extra car is to put all the stuff that little boys require when going out. This thing is a lifesaver!

Cute pic but beware lots of ranting

2007-12-21T22:13:00.000-06:00

Ollie and Daddy as Santa

Now dont think he was fooled for one minute. He knew that was his Daddy. Tonight was DH's office Christmas party. It was a nice time, sort of, but very hectic as the boys wanted to run free all night. Since DH was playing Santa I had to rely on the kindness of others to help out. Which a few people did and made it bareable for me and I didnt lose it with the boys.

DH works with the ob/gyns that delivered the boys. Their delivery was not handled well and I am still very bitter about it, but I try to put on a nice face and be pleasant. I was fine until my high risk guy stopped me while I was fetching a glass of wine for one of the boy's handlers. He said that he took care of a few more sets of multiples, but that they made it well into 30 weeks unlike me who was noncompliant with medical orders. I looked at him to see if he was joking and then let him have it. Its been 20 months in the making. He just stood there stunned. I told him that all the multiples Mommies talk and that he is not high on the list of docs to go to because he doesnt take things seriously. Plus the fact that he came into my room the day after I delivered the boys and said that if he had been there (he was supposed to be but his wife had a migraine) he would have delivered the boys VAGINALLY!!! 27 weekers vaginally??? I was pissed at the time and told him to get the f&^K out of my room. I'm still pissed a year and a half later. So many things were botched in that delivery. If I hadnt insisted that the 4th year resident come to see me while I was screaming from labor and knew that something was wrong, I think that DH would have delivered Ian right then and there as he was crowning. But no one took me seriously. The 2nd year resident that told me that he could only give me tylenol for pain was there as well. I shot him the stink eye. He pointed over to us and told his companion that he delivered them. I dared him to come over so I could break his leg and offer him tylenol for the pain. Of course I didnt dare him out loud. If he had been close enough he might have left a cripple.

I really thought that I had put that horrific night to bed but when Cowboy Tom, the ob, said that I wasnt compliant I just hit the roof. That was so far from the truth to how seriously I took being the carrier of three babies. He may have been joking but he wasnt laughing when I walked away. I cant believe that he would even suggest that I didnt do everything and anything to keep my babies inside me. My cervix gave out. I started having contractions over a month before the boys were delivered and he didnt take me seriously. I felt like the girl who cried "contraction". I wanted to go on bedrest and he wouldnt agree. I ended up in the women's evaluation unit 6 times with contractions before another doc decided that I was truly having them and it was time for me to get off my feet. By that time my cervix had shortened and the damage had been done. I had asked for a cerclage at 20 weeks but was told that I didnt need one. One of the other triplet Mommies got one, the one who was compliant, and she went to 30 weeks. The Mag could only do so much to stave off delivery.

I truly believe that I have PTSD and when those memories crop up it just sets things off. I really want to leave all that behind me but every once in a while, when it pops up, I get so upset. I know I should just let all this go but its really hard for me. My chest is tight and I am feeling so anxious it scares me. By me pounding on these keys it has helped. I am still upset but letting the world know what happened makes me feel better, well sort of.

On a bright note, we took the boys up to the NICU to visit the nurses before the party. It was so nice to see the nurses and talk. I miss them. They really became family to me during the boys stay. I send pictures all the time and on their first birthday we came in and brought them cupcakes to celebrate. Which was so fitting to be with them on that date because they were the reason why the boys made it to their first birthday. Without their advocating and extensive knowledge and caring I dont know if they all would have made it home. Seriously. The NICU ride was pretty crazy but for some reason I dont get upset when I go there. I am happy to walk back through those doors and not have a child in an isolette. I am proud that my boys graduated and are doing well. Without the encouragement of a few of those nurses I dont know if I would have not been afraid to have three babies at home. They really pumped me up and gave me the strength to face the fact that I was a triplet Mommy and the shit had just hit the fan! And that I would be a good Mom, frazzled but a good one nontheless. :) Two of the very special ones were there today. The one I havent seen and who was supposed to be there had to go to a funeral. She was the one who sat with me while Ollie was very ill and kept telling me that he would make it through and I would to. I requested her every night she was working for the boys. I wished the Divine Nurse M would have been there to see Ollie in all his 20 month glory. And so I could give her a big hug for taking such good care of Ollie and supporting me and giving me the strength to face this triplet Mommy thing with confidence. They all told me I could do it, it would be hard, but the boys were lucky to have a Mom like me. They might say that to all the Moms but it really made me feel good. :)

Ok enough for tonight. I think I have gone through every emotion possible in this post. I am teary eyed now but with a smile on my face.

Busy hands

2007-12-18T13:30:00.000-06:00

Ian "playing" with the Christmas tree.

Behind Enemy Lines

2007-12-17T15:56:00.000-06:00

Merlin the Christmas Tree lovin kitty.

Fortified Christmas Tree

2007-12-16T16:23:00.000-06:00

Miss Kim

2007-11-19T16:53:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was OT and ST. I always love when they come. Actually it was the boys first "official" speech therapy session. I have to say that I love our therapist. She has so much energy and is very on top of the boys. Ian slept through the session, but he isnt the one who we are worried about. Ollie was the first to interact with Miss Kim. And boy did he give her a hard time. He doesnt want to do what anyone wants him to do unless its his idea. So it was a little rough. Then she took on Spencer. I have to say that I was very surprised that he responded so well to her. I think he might have a crush. He loved when she read to him, which is great because he doesnt do so well when DH and I read to him. He listened to direction!!!! I couldnt believe my ears when she would tell him to do something and he would do it. Too bad she cant move in with us. After a very positive session with Spence she went back to Ollie for some one on one time. He did better,he had to call her bluff the first time. I think he might have a crush on her as well.

I spoke to her about what happened with the Neo and she basically said that she didnt agree with her and thought that the boys are making progress, she had done an eval on them in April of this year and they had improved since. I was so thrilled to hear that. She also takes her kids to the same pediatrician who we both rave about and encouraged me to talk to her about the awful appointment with the Neo. I think I might have a crush on Miss Kim to! :)

Wednesday is their first Synagis injection. I have mixed feelings about it but I know that its the best thing if we want to protect the boys. I just hate that they feel crummy afterwards. At least DH will be home for the rest of the week so we can sleep in shifts if need be. Oh speaking of sleep the boys have decided that 4:30am is now their "normal" wake up time. That's just killing me. Is this normal? Are they teething? I hope it stops soon.

Oh and to Juliann and Eva you two were so great to offer me comfort and understanding, I thank you. I'm glad to know that there are people out there that understand and will extend a kind word and helping hand. This preemie stuff isnt always easy but we will somehow get through it together. Thanks ladies!!!!

Sucky day

2007-11-13T22:33:00.000-06:00

Today the boys saw their Neonatologist. She and I have had problems in the past and today for whatever reason she seemed to make things worse. I was not confrontational at all and I wasnt even being defensive. We were all there to go over the results of the neurodevelopmental testing that the boys had done a few weeks back. The first thing she asked was did DH and I have any concerns. We said "no". Which I think started things off in the wrong direction. Yes we know the boys are behind, and some more than the others. Yes we are concerned about it. BUT that is why the boys are getting speech therapy and two are receiving occupational therapy. Duh, like we dont know that they are delayed!!! Come on. So she said "Well you should be concerned on their slow development". Fine we said that we were but those issues were being addressed already with their therapists. So she goes over each boy and their weaknesses. Ian seems to be on target for his actual age of 19 months. The only thing with him is he is a little delayed with speech. Oliver, who she said that the psychologist stated in her report was the one who we were the most worried about, is behind in all areas but better than his brother Spencer. He has a very definite speech delay. The boy just started talking again after he began to walk in October. He has issues with listening to direction. Blah, blah, blah. Then it came time for Spencer. The problem child, or the one we dont think has ANY problems (please note the sarcasm). Spence definetly has a speech delay but not as bad as the other two. He says, Mom, Dad, Bottle, kitty cat, dog, ball, up, out, and every once in a while says milk. He is just quiet and shy when he doesnt know the person who is testing him. He doesnt listen to direction. And he is wild. Crazy kind of wild. He laughs all the time. So we got chewed out because we are worried about the wrong kid. It pisses me off.

The next thing she took issue with was that the boys are getting Synagis again this year. "Oh if I were the medical director of your insurance I would never have allowed it" Dr. Not so Nice said. "They dont have any more lung or heart issues so they are fine". Whatever. Man I didnt even ask to get the Synagis and was very surprised that we got approved. Maybe the Medical Director for Healthlink realizes that if the boys got RSV then the hospital stay would cost more than all the damn shots combined for all the boys for the year!!! Jeez.

The last thing that she busted my balls about was that I havent taken the boys to a playgroup or a Mother's Day out. I dont even know what the f*&k a mother's day out program is. I dont know anyone who has kids that are the same or close to the boys age. "oh their speech will take off if you get out of the house more" Fine whatever. Just keep piling on the blame for the speech off on me. " you need to read to them more" Hey Dr. Unrealistic have you ever tried to read a book to three little hooligans?? DH and I both read books to the boys all the time but we cant do it with all of them at the same time. One is trying to grab the book and turn the pages, the other one is trying to eat the pages, and the last one just wants to get away from his brothers so he starts crying and then biting his brothers who are way too close for his comfort. Sheesh!! And then getting them all out of the house when I am by myself is impossible and will not happen. I can get them all into the car but getting them out and then having to leave one behind while I run in and drop the other two off is not something that I want to do. It is almost impossible.

I just want to scream!!! I thought I was doing a great job with the boys. They are all healthy. No physical problems from prematurity just delays. That's something that I dont think I can control or manipulate to make it better. I provide them with every opportunity to excel and catch up to their peers. I dare anyone to find a toy in the playroom that isnt a developmental tool. Give me a break. I just dont think I can win with that lady. I thought our problems that we had in the NICU were all but forgotten. I guess I was wrong.

Sleep or lack there of.

2007-11-10T21:19:00.000-06:00

I cant believe it but the boys are 19 months old. Time has really flown by. They are doing ok, all have colds. DH and I both had it to. I cant wait for it to be over so we can all get an uninterupted night of sleep. The sleep thing for me is a big deal. I have trouble anyway getting to sleep and staying asleep so I have some meds that help me off to sleepyland. So imagine having to get up 2-3 times during the night with different boys and then trying to go back to sleep after being awake for at least an hour or more. It just plain sucks. Last night I did get a full night of sleep. My mood was vastly improved over the last few days. I guess the saying "if Mom aint happy nobody is happy" is very true.

Today DH, the boys and I went to an early Thanksgiving dinner. Our good friend had her celebration early because not all her family could get together on Thanksgiving. It was wonderful. The boys had a blast. I drank 2, yes you read that right, TWO glasses of wine and was it good. I wanted more but knew that I wouldnt be able to keep my eyes open long enough to see the boys off to bed at 8pm.

Boys are finally all asleep eventhough they went down at 8 and its a little before 10pm now. Spence decided that his little cat nap on the way home was enough to keep him going. I broke down and pulled him out of bed and snuggled him into submission and he is now sleeping in his crib. Hopefully he stays asleep all night.

Random Act of Kindness

2007-11-02T10:38:00.000-05:00

Last night I was at the grocery store with a cart full of food. I got in line and waited. When it was my turn I started throwing things onto the belt and this older lady got in line behind me. She asked if she could help me get things out of the top of the cart. She just started doing it and explained to me that she hates having to get stuff out of the top of the cart after unloading the basket! Its was so nice, and she was so sweet. I thanked her repeatedly and told her she made my day by being nice.

Then I went to the Super Dooper Walmart. No one, not even the checker, said a word to me. So when the question of "Did the cashier greet you today" came up on the screen before I paid with my debit card I almost jammed my finger by pushing "NO!". So much for nice people.

Happy Halloween

2007-10-31T20:19:00.000-05:00

Monkey Man Spencer

Mighty Dragon Ian

Scallywag Ollie

The gang

Wish

2007-10-30T14:49:00.000-05:00

My Halloween wish has come true. I am not really into Christmas so instead of a Christmas wish here was my Halloween wish. My wish was that Oliver would be walking for trick or treating. I told him at the beginning of the month that if he didnt walk then there might be trouble! I am happy to report that he is a walking fool!!! He doesnt like his costume much but I think he looks adorable. I will post a pic of all the boys soon. Ian doesnt care one way or another about his costume but he likes the fact that there is velcro and he can pull it apart. Spencer actually liked his costume and wore it around the house during our trial run the other night. I think he was a little unhappy when it came off but he gets a chance to wear it tonight and again tomorrow. The town where Great Grandma lives has trick or treating the night before Halloween, which is a little strange, but it works for us. Tomorrow night we are going to Grandma's house and possibly our neighbors houses. We dont get many trick or treaters in my neighborhood so I havent bought any candy. I have a few things we can give out. Now since I said all this I bet we will have an onslaught of trick or treaters. Plus tomorrow during the day its supposed to be unseasonably warm and into the 80's. Which is crazy!! But thankfully its not a full moon!!

Synagis

2007-10-25T10:15:00.001-05:00

Amazingly the boys got approved for Synagis again this year!! I am actually kinda shocked about it. I was really thinking that they wouldnt qualify. Even our ped said that she didnt think they would qualify but it was worth a try. She just called me and said that this deserved a personal call from her. She is so great! I like her (before the Synagis approval) and love the way she handles the boys and takes care of DH and me.

After I called DH I called our nurse, Beverly, who came out to give the shots last year. A few weeks ago I called her and told her that I didnt think that the boys would qualify and said that I was sad that we wouldnt see each other. Funny how things turn out. She was shocked as well with the approval and very pleased that they will be protected. We talked about logistics of how we are going to separate them and keep them from rebelling against her and me. This year will be completely different since they are very mobile and will know whats going on. What I am afraid of the most is that they will cry whenever they see her come in the door! Poor Beverly. :)

I had planned to keep them on house arrest again this winter and use the same precautions as last year, much to the dismay of the MIL. I will never understand why its such a big deal to wash her hands after she comes into the house. Its just proper hygienic practice. Sheesh! I do plan on taking them to see Santa this year so I guess we will have to go and be the first in line on a slow day. At least she will be happy about that. Like I care......

Kobe Beef

2007-10-22T21:46:00.000-05:00

Yes I am still alive. Last week was nuts. Boys waking up at all hours of the night and lots of broken sleep. I think I took a nap everyday last week. Maybe I was being punished for leaving them? Maybe its teething? Maybe a growth spurt? Whatever the case may be it was not fun.

I had a great time in Chicago. Shopped all day Saturday and ate at the Cheesecake Factory. I got my first taste of Kobe beef. It was so yummy. I want more. And of course had cheesecake. That was yummy to. I want more.

Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love ya tomorrow, you're only a day away.....

2007-10-11T21:08:00.001-05:00

Today was the boys 18 month check up. Of course I was worried as always about Ollie being so small. He weighs 20 pounds. He is 2 inches shorter than Ian, and one inch shorter than Spence. Ian weighs 24 1/2 pounds, and Spencer is 22 1/2. Its not that big of a weight difference but the other two are just built differently. More stocky I suppose. Ollie is just a little guy with a big voice. I voiced my concerns about his weight and the ped. told me that since he grew two inches since the visit in July that I shouldnt be concerned with his weight at all. I am reassured but still want my littlest guy to get big and fit into the winter clothes that I bought!! I am afraid that the other two will outgrow them before he even fits in them!! :) Although there is nothing cuter than seeing a baby in big clothes. Tonight I put the boys in footy pjs because its getting quite chilly here. Ian and Spence fit nicely but Ollie's feet were way too small and the feet of the pjs looked life elf shoes. Its was so darn cute. I wish I would have taken a pic. Damn!!

Tomorrow I am off to Chicago. I cant wait. Ok, I feel kinda bad leaving but I know that its the best thing for me so I can retain some sort of sanity. A friend asked me today if I liked being a stay at home Mom more now that the boys are bigger, and I told her that I didnt like it. I know its the best for the boys but I would love to get out of the house more and deal with adults. I have trouble holding adult conversations anymore. The only word that I seem to be able to say is "NO!!!" I guess every Mom goes through this. As I said in a previous post I need my space sometimes (well most times) and having three 18 month olds doesnt allow that at all. Yes I am complaining. Sorry. Hopefully I come back from my little trip with a better attitude.

Its that time again!

2007-10-10T14:08:00.000-05:00

Ian enjoying his first Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie. Mmmmmm.

Ollie enjoying his first Thin Mint Girl Scout cookie. Yummy!!

Spencer wanting no part in any kind of cookie. But looking cute anyway.

Happy 18 month birthday!!!

2007-10-08T21:11:00.000-05:00

Today the boys are exactly 18 months old. Wow has the time flown by. Last year I couldnt even imagine the boys all walking and feeding themselves. But they are. I can only imagine what is coming in the future.

Ollie is tooling around the livingroom fairly frequently. He falls a lot but as I recall not so long ago his two brothers did the same thing. Spence has a molar that is slowwwwly breaking through the gum line. I wish that tooth would just erupt and then he can have some peace. He is quite the cranky little bugger lately. Ian is keeping very busy being helpful and playing in the dog's water bowls. I have decorated the house for Halloween. The boys seem to really like the ghost that is hanging in the window and the glowing spider web. I love Halloween so decorating has been really fun for me. I have lights going up and down the stairwell and lights strung around the basement. Its all very spooky!!

Friday I am going to visit a friend in Chicago for the weekend. I need a break from everyone and of course need to have a little retail therapy. I hear we are going out for margaritas on Friday night. Sounds heavenly to me. Like back in April, I think the best part of my trip will be the 4 hour drive alone. I am such a non touchy feely person and need my personal space but with three little boys personal space is
nonexistent. That has been one of the hardest things for me. I hate being pulled on and my clothing tugged at. Drives me crazy!! So this weekend comes as a welcome relief to me.

A tired boy and his blankey

2007-09-26T13:28:00.000-05:00

Ollie

Silly Mommy

2007-09-25T08:51:00.001-05:00

I am sure that's exactly what Ollie was thinking this morning as I was wiping him off after breakfast. I am a little emotional this morning and was telling all the boys that I loved them more than they would ever know while they were enjoying their first cinnamon rolls ever! They liked them. Anyway I was telling Ollie how proud I was of him for starting to walk and that he was talking again. As I was cleaning the icing off his chin he said, "Momma", and I just started crying. I began telling him I thought at one point in the NICU that I didnt think he was going to make it. Of course that made me cry harder. He put his hand on my cheek and sort of wiped away my tears and gave me that cute little Ollie smile.

This may sound crazy but I always worry that all the boys will have some memory of what happened in the NICU and be tramatized. I know that I am. I will never forget seeing them for the first time all hooked up to machines and just clinging on to life. So when little milestones are reached, eventhough they may be late for the age, I thank my lucky stars that everyone made it out alive. I know things could have turned out much worse.

Drum roll please...........

2007-09-24T21:01:00.000-05:00

Oliver is finally walking!!!!! It's taken him 17 months to get here and by God he is going to be cautious and do it slowly. He is so matter of fact about all of it. He doesnt think its as big deal a deal as DH and I do. He just goes about his business and thats it! That is exactly how Ollie is, nothing is really a big deal unless a brother is stealing food or a cup from him. He is finally talking again. He has gone pretty silent in the last 4 months except for crying, grunting, and laughing. I was worried at first but was told by a development therapist that often times when kids start crawling and getting ready to walk that their brains concentrate on those things and language goes out the window. I am truly happy thats the case! It was kinda strange because as soon as he started taking steps on his own he started saying "Momma" again. It was so automatic.

Spencer has mastered the walking thing. He still does the drunken sailor walk but its less and less. I quite enjoy watching him walk all crazy. He has a really good sense of humor and is the first kid to laugh out loud at something funny. He also has the best laugh.

Ian is master of the basement and all the toys. Especially the slide. He is the King of the slide. He can go down frontwards and now just to show off he can slide down on his belly and feet first. He likes to show off his new skill to anyone who will watch. And he expects clapping and congratulations every time. He is such a show off. There had to be one in the bunch.

I have finally picked out their costumes for Halloween. I cant tell you what they are going to be because its a secret but I can tell you that they look every cute! There is no theme, but the costumes do match their personalities quite well.

A very good question

2007-09-16T21:22:00.000-05:00

Karen asked, "Arent you worried that your inlaws might read your blog?" Thats a very good question. It's taken me all week to think about it. Well not exactly all week, the dudes are sick with a cold and that has taken up most of my week. But I digress, I am slightly worried but not really. Let me explain further. The MIL is not so great on the computer, in fact she has gone through 3 in the last 2 years. Poor DH has to try to fix what she has done and usually finds that its screwed up beyond repair and she buys a new one. Same with printers, I think she has gone through 4 in the last 2 years. We got one of her castoffs that didnt "work" but it works fine here. Hmmm I wonder why?

There is a possiblity that I will leave the blog up on my computer one day but they wouldnt dare touch my computer. For reasons that I stated above, and that edict was not handed down from me but comes from DH. He doesnt need me bitchin about my computer not working. Plus the boys should keep them so busy while they are here that they shouldnt have time to screw around online.

Also, I am a huge risk taker. Remember I had the RE transfer three perfect 8 cell embryos. Ah they all wont take I thought, but here I sit with three 17 month olds. So I laugh in the face of fear. Yeah right! :)

So am I really worried? Not really. But thanks for asking!

1000 hits

2007-09-06T22:01:00.000-05:00

Ian enjoying dinner.

I just noticed that my blog has received over a 1,000 hits. Thats kinda cool. I wonder who is reading this? Hopefully not the inlaws!

So who are you people? Come out of the shadows and stop lurking! I would love to know how you found my blog. Please, please, please tell me!!! Or is there just one person who keeps coming back repeatedly all day?? Hmmmmm.

Whatever the case is, thanks for stopping by.

Payback

2007-09-05T21:20:00.000-05:00

So I did it. I screwed with the inlaws. Instead of turning off the tv when they were here yesterday, I tuned it to an alternative music channel where the F word is used frequently in song. They didnt say anything and didnt change the channel. The boys love the music and I was upstairs doing other things so I didnt care. Finally after dinner the MIL asked which channel the boys liked and I said 293. I left it at that. Within seconds the tv was blasting baby friendly programing. I dont think they are going to say much more about the whole tv thing. Well if they know what's good for them.

Today they were back over and brought over a toy that I had passed up at a garage sale a few months ago. She bought it for her house. They started bringing it down the stairs and I said "NO! NO! NO!" That thing makes too much noise and it has tons of plastic blocks that go with it and we already have too many as it is. She looked at me dumbfounded and said, "well I dont want it at my house it makes too much noise and has too many parts." To which I replied, "I didnt want it at the garage sale and stated that so take it back out to your van." The FIL did and when he was outside she said that she was going to take it to Great Grandma's house. Poor GGM.

On a different note, Spencer is in full walking mode. He is doing really well. I cant believe how fast he is moving. Everyone was in a good mood today, which was kinda strange for this house. There is usually one rotten egg in the bunch, but not today! We'll see how tomorrow goes.

If it ain't one its the other.

2007-09-03T22:39:00.000-05:00

Today while the inlaws were over and I was conventienly "cleaning" the upstairs bathroom, DH was downstairs in the baby dungeon with his parents. They arent usually in the room very long together so I thought it was nice that I wasnt there. Well thank God that I wasnt. DH's Dad thought he would spew some pearls of wisdom to DH. He had just happened to be reading Time magazine and read that the American Pediatric Association says that children should not be exposed to or watch television until they reach age 2. Of course we have heard this from our pediatrician, who also snickered and said that most of the peds that are apart of the APA have nannies and dont have multiples, so in her words "you gotta do what you gotta do to keep them happy". I love that woman. But I take offense to him bringing it up. First I feel like its an attack on our parenting style. He never really had time when DH was a toddler because he was too busy going to graduate school. And for that matter so was the MIL. DH grew up with babysitters who cooked and cleaned the home. He couldnt join t-ball because they both had classes on the nights of practice and on game day. They both have no idea what its like to be a SAHM or Dad and werent really around much because they were pursuing their own thing. So I take offense to this. I gave up my "other" life to devote myself to these little hooligans that roam freely in my house. Yeah I know I am being kinda critical but it seems like an attack.

I am glad that I wasnt down there or I would have said something like this to the FIL "Well I dont see YOU down on the floor engaging the boys in any kind of play." He just sits there while everyone else is changing diapers or consoling a crying hooligan. He never tries to play with them but is always questioning what I am doing. For instance, last week before yoga class I gave the boys some ibuprofen because their molars are slowwwwwly breaking through. They change into hideous beasts if not given the wonderful make everything better drug, ibuprofen. He wanted to know why I was giving it to them and wasnt I afraid that they were going to become immune to the drug?? I didnt even know how to answer that one without laughing hysterically outloud and asking him if he was stupid. Come on, give me a break. If my kid is in pain and I can make it better so they can sleep through most of the night, dont you think I would give it to him??

The other thing today was that they brought over an article for our local big city paper about making homemade babyfood. Fine, great, whatever. I made all most all of the boys food when they were eating babyfood cause its cheaper and I could make it taste and smell better than that Gerber crap. The MIL went on and on about the recipes in the article, which we have outgrown. I polietly told her that DH had sent me the article days ago and it was more about how to make it and since we are done with that then thanks but no thanks for the article. Always wanting to be right she said "WEL there are recipes that you might not have seen" Ok I will get right on it and puree some foods for the boys who can already self feed. She just doesnt get it. I dont think she ever will.

As for the FIL, well he can just bite my big fat booty!!! How come all of a sudden he is interested in his grandkids? But wont do anything with them. He will know become known as the armchair grandfather.

The tv is on most of the day. Not always on baby type programing, sometimes shows I want to watch (like the news, etc.), and a lot of the time we listen to music channels on the tv. And I know how far I can push the boys until they start to freak out and need some sort of baby stimulation and then I change the channel to the Teletubbies or put in a movie. They dont just sit there like Zombies all day.

So thats it I am pissed off once again with my inlaws and they are coming over to "help" tomorrow night because DH has school. Please give me the strength to not say anything overly sarcastic. I am going to turn the tv off right before they arrive and see how long it takes them to turn it on. In fact I will hit the stop watch the second they drive up the driveway. Bastards. Why cant they just leave us alone and find someone else to bother.

Speaking of parents, my Mom and I dont have the best relationship in fact at the moment we arent speaking but not sure exactly why. She knows that the hooligans were born because my sister told her but thats about it. The boys have another blog that was started when they were in the NICU and I know that she still checks it and sees pictures. I miss her. My side of the family is very dysfunctional and its hard to explain. So I might call her tonight. Hopefully she will take my call and we can get back to being Mom and daughter again.

New pics

2007-08-27T22:08:00.000-05:00

Pre invasion.

Post invasion.

Spencer loves his new basement!! That boy wont sit still for anything. Oh and by the way, he is starting to walk. Lord please watch over me. Me, not Spence, I need all the help I can get!

Ollie loving his new steps and baby gate.

Ian, aka Godzilla, trying to make a break for it through the kitty door into the forbidden room, aka the laundry room. I know its a dragon costume but he was walking around all day knocking things over and I remembered that I had this costume. I will have to get some video of him as Godzilla. Its very funny. I can hear the Godzilla scream as I write this.

Yu Shan looking down into her new kitty play room.

I cant believe that I am doing this to myself

2007-08-26T21:53:00.001-05:00

I decided that since the pain in my pelvic areas has returned and I have not had a period in 8 months (by choice) that it was time to take some inactive pills and let mother nature take her course. Damn, I forgot how painful this period thing can be. Being a chick with endometriosis sucks, plain and simple. IT SUCKS!!! Ok enough whinning and shouting.

We are completely moved into the basement!!! The boys love it down there. They have lots of new toys and plenty of room for them to do their own thing without being on top of one another like they were in the living room. I am happy that its done and can see that its good for everyone in the house. The fur babies love it to. There was a problem with the kitty faction for awhile because we moved the litter boxes and made them go through another pet door to get to them. They were leaving some presents where their boxes used to be. Then the carpet and the furniture came. Then the kitties were happy. Now they have lots of new places to sleep. I think they know a good thing when they see one. The dogs love all the room to run around and play in as well. I have some pics of the basement but the camera is down there and I am not going up those steps again tonight!! I will post some soon. Call me lazy, whatever, I am tired and cranky. :{

Yay!!!

2007-08-21T10:53:00.000-05:00

The carpet is being laid down in the basement as I write this!!! Its kinda weird looking down there because there isnt anything down there except for 2 guys and lots of pad. No more half empty boxes strewn about and crap everywhere. I hardly recognized the basement last night after I went to buy a baby gate for the bottom of the stairs. Its a wonderful thing. Maybe I should take some pictures.....

Finally

2007-08-17T22:40:00.000-05:00

Look who's finally holding his own cup!! Its Ollie!! He also started holding his own bottle to. It had been quite a battle to get him to do this, but I kinda gave up a few weeks ago. Just the other day he decided that he could hold his own "ba". Fine if it had to be his idea then so be it. I took this picture to show his OT who had been trying to get him to want to hold his bottle for a long time. She was on vacation last week. When she came in today I handed her the pictures and said "this is what Ollie did during your vacation." She was so proud. I am to!

Oh yeah before I forget, the carpet is being installed in the basement on Tuesday!!!!!!! I cant believe that we are almost done. Its been a long project but it looks good. Now I just hope that the carpet I picked out goes with the paint thats on the wall. I never thought to ask for a small sample to take home.....oops.

Also in case you were wondering, I am feeling much better on Yaz. I knew that a change in pill would make things better. I am still kinda crabby but I have always been that way. :)

Mmmmm grape jelly and biscuits

2007-08-09T10:26:00.000-05:00

Ian--If I close my eyes she cant see me!!

Spencer

Oliver

Changes

2007-08-08T21:45:00.000-05:00

The day that I was implanted with my boys the RE had a very frank discussion about whether to implant all three of the embryos or just two. I wanted all three, DH wanted all three, RE wanted two. It came down to our descision. We choose all three. Why? Well I have said this many times before, we were out of money, I was definetly out of patience, and we were afraid that the remaining embie would not thaw correctly and we would be out of luck. The RE did what we asked and we knew that the likelyhood of having all three was a possibility but not likely. How wrong were we?!! To be honest I wasnt exactly thrilled when all three showed heartbeats. I was worried about me. How could I do this? What the hell was going to happen to me? Then not long after I began to realize that it wasnt about me anymore, it was about them. I wasnt that important anymore. Well I was, of course the hostess to the party of three, but they would be the stars of future episodes of my life. And now I know that I am not the center of the my universe anymore. I dont think about my needs as much. When I go out shopping I am always buying things for them and when I look at something for me I hesitate and debate whether I really need it. I sometimes skip lunch because I am too tired and want to make sure the boys get fed and then take a nap and then fall on the couch in exhaustion only to get right back up because someone isnt sleeping and I keep going. Using the bathroom is no longer a private affair, I think you know what I mean. Then there are the things that people do that make me want to cry. In a good way. Its because she thought of me, as me and not the Mom of triplets. I almost cried when a friend showed up out of the blue on Friday. She had asked the day before if I could go to lunch with her and some other friends but I didnt have a sitter so she did the next best thing she brought me lunch. Someone thought of me!!! It was such a nice thing to do. I wolfed it down cause it was feeding time for the boys but it was the best nachos bellegrande that I have ever had. Thanks for thinking of me. It made me realize that I am still somewhere in here and that I do have a life and friends who care and I am not just the mother of triplets.

Just chuggin along

2007-08-05T21:53:00.000-05:00

Oliver

Ok so I know the blog hasnt really been much about the boys lately and its just me bitchin about me. I will try to make it more about the boys. But in case you wanted to know I think I feel a little better. I think.....

So today Oliver started standing behind his push walker toy. He loves that push walker. I was so proud of him. He is really starting to get ready to walk. Spence is still doing what he does best, cruising around the coffee table and then falling and banging his head. He does it so gracefully sometimes that I never know if he is going to need some snuggling after the fall or not. He continues to take steps without any assistance. Ian is doing great to. He has developed separation anxiety with DH. He dosent like when Daddy isnt around. He likes to stack blocks with Daddy and instead of constantly knocking them down he will place a few on top of the others and steps back and looks at his tower in amazement. Then he gets mad when Spence or Ollie comes by and knocks them down. Oh well Ian just get used to it. Its just starting with your brothers.

Some good some bad

2007-08-02T22:19:00.000-05:00

Spencer

Tonight Spence took a few steps from the table to me. I am not sure if it was the momentum that kept him up but he did it!! He has been standing in the middle of the room for about 20 seconds by himself. This latest accomplishment was all done with the MIL in the room and she didnt even notice. Which is a good thing for Spencer. He needs time to develop his skills before she starts in on him. When Ian was starting to walk she kept him moving all the time and when he would cry she would tell him to stop and start walking. DH and I are more of the thought that we would let him do his thing and figure it out on his own. Even when he started walking we didnt do anything to "help" him. Just let him do it and now he is a walking fool. Even if he does walk like Frankenstein. :)

I am still in a pissy mood. For the last two night the in laws have been here. I wanted to kill someone tonight so I just left. When they got here she suggested that I go out to dinner by myself. WTF?? That started it and I wasnt backing down. Everytime I leave them to feed the boys dinner they wake up in the middle of the night and are hungry. So I stayed until they had been fed and corrected her while she tried to coax Spence into eating the cheese on his tray. She even went as far as forcing it into his mouth which made him cry and made me furious. I told her that she shouldnt do that and of course as always she did it again and I corrected her. Then he got sweet potatoes on his nose and she had to wipe him immediately. I told her not to do that and leave him alone, she did it again and this time I said "I told you to leave him alone" she just looked at me with a stupid look on her face.... God please help me from killing her. She still thinks of the boys as little babies, which they are not. She insists on doing things the same way when they are changing and doing things their way, so they are becoming toddlers. Spencer doesnt want anyone holding his bottle which I love. She still thinks he needs to be cuddled while feeding. WRONG!! She does the same thing to Ollie and he just stops eating and pushes her face away. Tonight he did that and I told her to sit up with him on her lap and give him the bottle that way. She said that she did that and he still wasnt eating, which was so wrong. "he isnt hungry" which I know is not true. He likes to be on the floor and sit up and drink. Once she finally listened he did drink. At that point I knew that I was about to lose it with her and I went to the garage and told DH that I was leaving, which I did. I hate that she gets me so pissed that i feel like I have to leave my own house to keep from starting world war 3. The FIL was in the basement working with DH. DH called me around 8:05 to tell me it was ok to come home.

Oh speaking of the basement it is coming along and we are about to paint and then comes the carpet!!! That means that we are almost done.

I feel better just getting that out. I am trying to get out of this cranky funk that I am in. I need an attitude adjustment!! Any suggestions?

Ahhhhhh

2007-07-31T22:44:00.000-05:00

See I am not the only crab ass in the house.

I went to my favorite ob/gyn today and had a wonderful appointment. Seriously. I love her and she is just great. Anyway she totally listened and agreed that I am most likely on my way to menopause and that the endo is acting up again. She was surprised that it took this long for it to come back. I kinda am to. I was hoping that it would never come back. It is possible to be in perimenopause and still have active endo. Those damn implants produce their own estrogen that keeps them alive and kicking. Bastards. Anyway, she ordered labs and did a pap. I have to say that I didnt even realize when the pap was over. She is that good. It didnt hurt at all. She has done all my 7 surgeries and we laughed at my lone scabbed up ovary was still trying to work. So she is no hurry to do anymore surgery and understands why I cant just do it right now. We both know its in the cards and when the time is right then it will be done. I am starting on a new pill called Yaz. I didnt realize that it is not only a birth control pill but also treats premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I am so glad that she picked that one!! I have been so overly emotional and down right irrational lately.

Last night I picked a fight with DH about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Why?? Well I am not sure. But we differ greatly on politics and of course I blamed a lot of dear old GWB. I said that I thought that Katrina and its mishandling is going to be a hot button issue in the next election. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected (which I already know cause i have a bachelors in political science, duh!!) and it was a non issue. Plus he doesnt control FEMA. To which I went ballistic and gave my points about how he failed to put a competent person in charge of FEMA and how corrupt the Republican party is and so on. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected over and over. Finally I had enough, cause I didnt vote for the horrible man, and told DH to "SHUSH!!!!!" He got so mad and I just wanted to be left alone. Its all so silly and kinda comical now but last night I wanted to do bodily harm to him. So it was good that I told her the story and we laughed and she prescribed Yaz. She knows me all too well......

Veteran

2007-07-23T20:36:00.000-05:00

Ok so the hot flashes were ignored, the mood swings ignored, the pain, however was noted and it was decided by the doc that its my horrible evil endometriosis rearing its ugly head again. I am kinda pissed off, like that's anything new, that he didnt listen and immediately decided that it was endo related. Endo doesnt cause hot flashes and mood swings,but it does produce pain that wont go away. Easy diagnosis. Whatever. I am going back to who I should have gone to in the first place. By dear old friend who diagnosed me . Well I havent called yet but I will tomorrow and see what she says. There has got to be another treatment for endo other than the dreaded Lupron. I have had enough of Lupron. I hate Lupron. For those of you who dont know what it is it makes you go into menopause and it sucks!! Well actually it would make me feel better but I have taken it so many times that I am afraid of bone loss. Seriously. The doc asked me to give him a reason for not wanting Lupron so he could record it in my chart, and I said "cause it sucks!" and he wrote that down and chuckled. He's a good guy and I know him pretty well, but he didnt really seem to listen to me. He wants a pelvic u/s and that cant happen for 2 weeks so I here I sit in pain. Fine, I will wait.

The only real option if its truly endo related is a hysterectomy. Which is fine by me but I dont want to do a laparotomy. Thats the kind of cut one gets when they have a c section. I would do it tomorrow if they would do it laparoscopically. Thats where they make small incisions in your belly and take things out that way. Less recovery time and doesnt hurt as much. Laparotomy takes 8 weeks to recover from and is very painful. I dont really have the luxury to be out 8 weeks. I have no idea how things would work with dealing with the boys. And the other thing is that the MIL would be here making me nuts everyday and that is something that I cant handle. Seriously. I think that would make things worse. I have dealt with endo my whole life. Actually had the dx since 1997 and have had many surgeries, including both that I mentioned above, several times. Well more times that I would like to discuss here. Lets just say that I am veteran of pelvic surgery. Which sucks to!

On another note, the boys are doing fine. Ian is walking like Frankenstein all over the livingroom. Spencer is standing on his own in the middle of the room and is pretty excited about it. Ollie is crusing along the furniture watching the other two as they make mistakes so he can avoid them. They had their 15 month check up a few weeks ago and Ian weighed 22 1/2 pounds, Spencer weighed 20 1/2 pounds, and Oliver was 18 1/2 pounds.

We also stopped by the NICU today and to say hi to the nurses. It was a little over a year ago that Ollie was discharged. DH and I commerated the day last week. Its hard to believe that they are now 15 months old.

And finally, today is the anniversary of my Dad's passing in 2001. So Dad if you are reading this I miss you and I wish you could meet your grandsons!! Ian looks just like you, eventhough thats not really possible. :) I wish we could have had a better relationship while you were here. I regret not being a better daughter. I hope you know that I talk to you everyday and think of you all the time. I tell the boys about their grandpa that they will never meet. I miss you! Ok I am crying now.

The pause

2007-07-20T21:49:00.000-05:00

Well I think it is really here. Perimenopause. That ugly word that no woman who is in her 30's wants to say or even think about. I have been having severe mood swings, hot flashes, almost daily migraines, and breast tenderness, all while being on the pill. I knew I had problems, hence the donor eggs, but was hoping that by being on the pill I wouldnt notice those awful symptoms. Monday I go see an RE who will hopefully listen to me and take my symptoms seriously.

I thought maybe all the mood swings could be from dealing with 3 15 month olds but I think its bigger than just them making me nuts. I am so cranky that I dont even like myself right now. I get mad at myself for being so irrational, kinda like how the boys are. Hmmm maybe its not the pause, maybe I am just mimicking the behavior of the boys? Now that is a scary thought!

Happy 4th of July

2007-07-04T22:55:00.001-05:00

Yessss MOTHER, I am taking this driving thing seriously. Flashforward 15 years?? Ian

So today was the day!! Well it really was supposed to be tomorrow but it happened today. NO MORE FORMULA!!!! Sorry to shout but its such a wonderful thing. We had one can that had a popped lid and it was thrown away and whole milk was given. The boys didnt even notice. DH and I noticed in our checking account. Cha ching!!!

Spencer eating blackberries.

Today we went over to my good friend Yvette's house for her daughters 5th birthday party. I was there when Lola was born. I was also there when her baby brother was born 20 months ago. I was right in the middle of my donor cycle and had to go into her hospital room bathroom to inject myself with Lupron. We all had a great time. The boys were so good I cant believe it. It helps that her house has lots of toys and is child proof. I need to find more friends that have kids so when we go to their houses we wont have to worry about one of them taking a tumble down a large flight of steps or breaking anything. :)

Good Ole Ollie.

I was wrong

2007-07-02T13:49:00.000-05:00

No ear infection for the boy. He just has a cold that doesnt want to go away. Fine, whatever. The problem now is he doesnt want to nap, and I desperately want him to. Although he is watching "Finding Nemo" and is pretty happy about it. Which I guess makes me happy to.

Here is a pic of Oliver from the other day.

More Pink Medicine??

2007-07-01T21:52:00.001-05:00

I am pretty sure that Spencer has an ear infection. I am going to call the ped's office tomorrow but I am almost positive that's why he is so cranky. He is such a good natured guy but has been so cranky lately. He cries and laughs at the same time. Its so sad.

The work continues in the basement. Almost all the wiring is done. I have mudded all I can and am going to sand in preparation for the walls to be painted. All that is left are the stairs that have to be rebuilt (to make them wider), paint for the whole basement, and carpet. Then the fun begins!! I cant wait to have the boys down there so they have more room. Plus it will be a good place to have the MIL when she is here. I can hang upstairs while she is downstairs tending to the boys. Its such a wonderful thought.

Today DH and I went to Sams. We now have 4 cases of diapers and a box of wipes. Whooo Hooo!!! We also bought a gallon of whole milk in anticipation of the big day. Since I started my countdown the boys have consumed less and less formula and demanded more and more real food. So their will be a delay in the switch but it is coming soon!!

Not much else going on around here. It's been kinda boring lately. I guess that's a good thing.

Babies in Straight Jackets

2007-06-24T21:51:00.000-05:00

September 2006

This is one of my favorite pictures of the boys. They loved to be swaddled. I wish I could swaddle them now but they are much to big and strong to be held down by some flimsy blanket.

Everyone has a cold. Ian has an ear infection on top of it. I would say that he is on the mend as well as Oliver. Spencer is the one who got it last and is now suffering the most. DH and I both got it.

Work continues in the basement. This weekend a friend of ours came over and put in some new ducts so we would have air conditioning down there. Today I taped and mudded the dry wall. Everyone kept saying how hard it was and how they hated doing it. I, actually, dont mind doing it. Its kinda like icing a cake and I love to bake so its right up my alley. Tomorrow I will sand and then remud and then again on Tuesday. The FIL wanted to be here to show me how to do it, and as I thought its really not rocket science. He wasnt here and things went smoothly. The MIL was here watching the boys much to my dismay. Ollie puked on her. She claims that he was coughing and it came up. DH and I know better. He was the first up after the nap and she was bouncing him and then it happened. I dont think that woman will ever learn. I am very hostile to her and I find that this works for me. I dont ask questions and dont make small talk. Its better that way. Its funny she asks DH if I am mad at her when I am nice to her not whenever I am cold and pretty much down right rude. Strange but hey whatever floats her boat!

Formula Countdown

2007-06-17T14:09:00.001-05:00

As you can see at the top of the page there is a count down for the end of formula! I cant wait to be done with it. I swear we have spent so much money. I am actually afraid to try to calculate it because it would be mind boggling. People always want to know how much formula we go through, how many diapers a day we go through, etc. So here it is. I mix a whole can of Enfacare preemie formula every morning. It makes around 86 oz. Some days we go through the whole thing, some days there is a little left over in case of a midnight snack. I have to say that Enfamil has a great program for multiples and they sent us 9 cases of free stuff, thats like $250 worth of formula. Which took 18 days to use. Now the diaper thing I dont really keep track of for the same reason. We buy our diapers by the case from Sams Club. Dh and I purchase 3-4 cases a month and sometimes Grandma and Great Grandma will bring us some. Which really help out. If I am done to one case I kinda start freaking out, which is so silly. I have to have my stockpile!!

I have been shopping around to see how much whole milk is going to cost. Walmart seems to be the cheapest by at least 80 cents. And it just so happens that a Super Duper Walmart just opened in my town last week. I really hate to leave my nice comfortable supermarket for Wally World but when it comes to feeding three, wait slash that, four hungry boys (DH included) it makes the most sense for the money. Plus, Yo Baby yogurt is $1.55 cents cheaper there than my much loved supermarket. I dont really like shopping there because it is a free for all but I found that by going at off hours, like late at night, it is much more pleasant. But for the life of me I cant understand why people have their small kids out at 11pm and hanging out at Walmart. Some probably dont have a choice, I know, but it just seems strange to me. Why arent these kids on some sort of schedule? That being said, we are on sort of a schedule. The only two things that are a sure thing during the day is naptime and bedtime. Feedings times vary throughout the day but are three hours apart depending on when they get up. They do get lots of little snacks inbetween mealtimes. Bedtime is always 8pm whether they are ready or not. Cause God knows that I am ready!!! :)

What's the facination with the bathroom?

2007-06-12T22:31:00.000-05:00

Spencer eating toliet paper.

Much better

2007-06-07T22:55:00.001-05:00

Ollie and Great Aunt Laura
Ok so the fitness yoga class really did help. I am so sore but thats a good thing. I cant wait until Tuesday so I can go again. Hopefully I wont be so stiff next time. :)

Tonight DH and I took the boys to see Great Grandma and her sister, Great Aunt Laura before she left to return to Phoenix tomorrow. Aunt Laura is great. She is 93, still has cocktail hour, just recently sold her golf cart although still plays everyday, and is an all around wonderful woman. Its so funny to see two sisters in their late eighties and early nineties still bickering about things that happened when they were much younger. It makes me miss my sister who lives in Colorado. The boys had a great time and Ollie and Spencer went right down when we got home but Ian didnt want to go to sleep. Ugh. Normally he falls asleep on the ride home but everyone was carrying on and talking. At 9:30 I decided that we would go for another ride to see if he would go to sleep. I have never done this before and dont want to make a habit out of it but it worked!! He fell asleep quickly and is now comfy in his bed.

I am off to bed myself.

Yoga Class Part Deux

2007-06-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

I just got back. I really missed the feeling of being centered and peace with yoga. Not to say that the class didnt kick my fat behind, but it was a good ass kicking. :)

I think that is what I needed. Hopefully I will be able to move tomorrow without too much pain. Plus hanging out with my good friend Julia is always a good thing. I havent laughed that hard in a long time.

Ian in Baby Prison

Yoga class

2007-06-05T10:45:00.001-05:00

Tonight I am going to my first yoga class. I havent been in a year. I cant wait!!

House of Whiners

2007-06-04T11:52:00.001-05:00

Ok, so I am the head whiner. I am bitchy and not exactly sure why. The boys are also bitchy. I cant seem to make them happy no matter how hard I try. I guess the saying is true, that if Mom's not happy no one is happy.

Spencer came down with a cold and it seems to creeped over to Ollie, Ian and myself. Maybe thats why we are all crabby? Hmmm sounds like a good reason but I think it runs deeper than that. I really think that we are all bored. I know I am. The basement is under construction and the new playroom is on its way. Which is a good thing. I hope that DH can find a laptop for me so I wont be cutoff from my internet addiction. The boys have lots of toys down there and have to remain down there as the living room is way to crowded for anything else to be added. The boys are all teething and thats probably adding to their whineyness.

Motherhood feels so lonely. I didnt know it was going to be like this. I feel so cut off from my former life. Is this how everyone feels or is it just me? Dont get me wrong, I love my boys with all my being, but it just doesnt feel like I exist anymore. Where is that fun, witty, overly sarcastic person that I once was? Will she ever return?

Alright enough whining I have to go make the boys lunch.