Its been a long time since I posted. I wonder if anyone still reads this blog?

Pump

So I am sitting in a hospital room with an epidural in my back. Dont be concerned its a good thing. I am doing a pain trial to see if a pain pump would help my back and leg pain. So far so good. I would never have thought that a needle pumping morophine into my spine would help with the pain but I am for anything that helps. The hospital isnt too bad, the nurses are nice, and I love my doctor. You all remember Dr Lin right? He is great. The downside of the of the drug is that I itch all over. I am told that will go away with time. I sure hope so, cause its driving me nuts! I am here one more night and will be released tomorrow. If all continues to go as planned I will have a permanent pump implanted in two weeks.

The boys came up to visit last night. They had a ball with the room dividing curtains. Ian kept pointing to my IV and saying "Momma has a boo boo". Spence jumped in bed with me and was getting ready to snuggle in for the night. Ollie, I think wasnt real sure what was going on and gave me a couple of kisses. I am glad that no one put up a fight to leave. I actually got some really good sleep last night. Its amazing to me because sleeping in a hospital is never easy for me. Its loud in here and the nurses wake everyone up every 4 hours for vitals. The last nurse I saw was at 1230am and then I woke up to my old neighbor yelling his breakfast order into the phone. He is hard of hearing so his conversations have been kinda funny to listen to. Thank god he couldnt hear the boys they were so loud. I am in a room by myself, which is nice. Hopefully they dont move someone in tonight. :)

First Day of School

Ian, Spencer, & Oliver waiting for the bus.

Its been a few weeks but the boys have successfully gone to and from school on the bus. They successfully have adapted to the morning routine. Two of them love school and have decided that school, well I should correct myself, riding on the school bus is awesome! Now Ollie on the other hand is having a hard time. He is the youngest in his class and by far the smallest. All the other boys in his class are starting Kindergarten in the Fall. A few have taken him under their wing, which is really cool. But he still gives us that LOOK after he walks up the steps of the bus. I know that he doesnt want to go. I received an email from his teacher asking many questions about him and his behavior. I knew there had to be one in the bunch that wouldnt like the school thing. Ollie scratched the teacher. Uh Oh. He has also been really aggressive with me and his brothers. Hitting and kicking and pushing and pulling. Its really out of character for him. But he is now 3 so maybe that's just part of turning three. By the time he decides that he likes school it will be summer break. Then the struggle begins again in August. Ugh.

With school comes the exposure to other snotty nose little kids and all their germs. The boys have successfully be come infected with said germs. Ian was home a few days last week. Ollie and Spence were home this week. Ugh. I thought the mornings were "me" time. Little did I know that I would have to give up my precious 3.5 hours and become a Mom again in the morning this soon. Oh wait, I forgot to tell you, the boys go to school 5 DAYS A WEEK!!!! YAHOOO!!!! :)

Tuesday is THE DAY!!!!

I cant believe that the savages are 3. Its just amazes me that we all survived the first three years. I have a hard time remembering things from when they were younger. I am glad that I kept a journal. Seriously Mommy brain, or should I say 40 year old Mommy brain is in full swing. I think it might be some early form of Alzheimer's or something. Maybe its because I have three boys who command my complete attention and seem to drain me by the end of the day. Hmmm maybe that's it.

Anyway, Tuesday is the first day of PRESCHOOL!!!!! I am so ready for it. I dont know if they are but I am sure after they get used to riding on the bus and getting up early all will be good. DH is going to take Ian to his school, and I will take Spence and Ollie to their school. After school, 2.5 hours later, they will all get on the bus and head home. OH its sounds so heavenly.....the boys will be someone else's problem for the morning...just kidding. Wait. Am I kidding? Hmmm not sure. Gotta think about that one.

Getting the boys into the school's district's preschool was a nightmare. It was quite stressful. But in the end they "miraculously" found three open spots in the AM classes. Whatever. I seriously hope that we do not have to deal with the school social worker again. She is an idiot! Or maybe a twit? Not sure. Probably both. LOL. So going to school meant that the boys were no longer eligible for the Early Intervention program that brought Speech and Occupational Therapy to the house. It was very sad to say goodbye to the OT. Ollie cried. I cried. Jenny is so sweet and had been with the boys for more than 2 years. They love her. I love her. She is always so positive and found good things to say about Spence and Ollie even if they were fighting with her that day. I really hate to lose her but we may take them to see her, at her office, over the summer if they arent on track. Spencer is pretty close to being caught up, but Ollie is still a work in progress. But they have come so far with her help. Those monkeys werent even sitting up when she started seeing them. She was really instrumental in helping Ollie to transition over to the sippy cup. He waited until she went on vacation and then started holding his cup. I took pictures for her and showed them to her when she got back and we both laughed. That Oliver does things on his own time. Same holds true to this day.

The boys will be receiving speech therapy at the house starting in May. Our wonderful ST has agreed to stay with the boys, at our expense. Damn insurance company wont pay for ST. So with a little help from their Grandma and Papa she can keep coming to the house once a week. Oh and SHHHHHHH dont tell the school district. They might try withhold ST at the school. That's a story for another time. I'll just say that we didnt start off on the right foot. Let's hope the school doesnt try to pull any more crap. Kim can stay with us throughout the summer and keep the boys on track. They are finally just starting to talk and are like tape recorders. Repeating everything that we say. Which isnt always a good thing. Spence says, "shit" in his cute little way. Of course that is me that he is mimicking. Yay! Mommy has a potty mouth. LOL. At least that's the only bad thing that he says, cause Mommy says some pretty bad things. :)

Birthday Pics

Ian

Spencer

Oliver

Hello?

Its been forever since I have updated. Not for the lack of things to say but the time in which to write. Plus I got a Wii at Christmas and that has taken precedence. Sad, I know, but true.
The boys are good, growing nicely. They are about to turn 3 in a few weeks. I cant help but think back three years ago. I was in the hospital on mag (magnesium sulfate) and was miserable. Everything felt so out of control. I still, at that point, had no idea how dramatically my life would change. Three years later I cant really say that I like being a stay at home Mom. I really dont understand the women who just love to be with their kids all the time. I guess I am just not wired that way. I am counting down the days until they can start preschool in the school district. Its 24 days and counting. Gotta love the state of IL, the school is required by law to pick up my kids at my driveway. YAY!!! I really cant wait. Its only 2.5 hours 4 days a week but its a start. I think they will be at two different schools but thats fine. They need a break from each other and I cant wait to see how they blossom.

I will post some new pics soon. My card reader isnt working, well wait, its working but it only shows me the pictures it wants to show....bastard. Hopefully I am getting a new one soon.

Mommy Brain

A couple of weeks ago DH and I ventured out for dinner with the boys by ourselves. We had never done this before because its so chaoitc. We went to a buffet style restaurant so there wouldnt be mutiny at the table. No one really noticed us, which was fine by me. The boys were eating and DH was on one of a million trips to the buffet, to fetch grapes that Ollie later threw up on the floor, when a lady came up to us and started asking if the boys were triplets. I had a mouth full of food and nodded my head and smiled. She then proceeded to tell me that she was an identical twin. Me, being the Mommy brain idiot, asked if she had a sister or a brother!!! OMG I couldnt believe that came out of my mouth. She looked at me like I was a nut. I dont blame her, I just wasnt thinking. Now I understand why people ask silly questions, they must be suffering from Mommy brain like me. :)

Big Boy

The cold that the boys have is still here. Poor Ollie has to have breathing treatments to help his lungs. I dont like that he has to have them but I know that they help. When the boys first came home from the NICU they all had to have breathing treatments twice a day. It was crazy. Luckily, Ollie is the only one who needs them now and just when he has a cold. Yesterday, much to my surprise, Ollie sat by himself while receiving the treatment. He's come a long way from ripping the mask off his face every chance he got just a year ago. I am so proud of my big boy!!

Boys on Halloween

Oliver

The little devil wouldnt wear his horns but his brothers would!

Ian

Spencer

The boys were sick but tried to make the best of it. As you can see Ollie wasnt really cooperating so I think his costume was perfect.

Round one

I had the epidural steroid injection this morning. It was kinda weird that I wasnt nervous. I just wanted to get it done. The pain doc, Dr. L, was kinda grumpy but was professional to me, just not his staff. I did get a little scared when the fluoroscopy machine kept turning off and the radiology tech couldnt fix it, so then Dr. L couldnt see where he was injecting. But all in all I was relaxed and ready to get this first one over with. My right leg went numb, which was a welcome relief because its been hurting non stop for more than 6 weeks. I am a little sore at the injection site but I feel pretty good. Next injection is on Wednesday. I really hopes this takes care of the pain.

New pics, Rapman & NIN

Spencer

Ian

Oliver

A week ago I went to see one of my favorite bands, Nine Inch Nails, play live. It was an amazing show. The lights, the music, the drunk people, it was great. I also took Colleen, who is 16, along. She got to go see NIN the day I was implanted with the boys back in October 2005. I had planned on going but didnt want to chance anything, so I stayed home. DH took her and when NIN hit the stage DH called me and I listened to the concert via cell phone. It was good but I still wanted to be there. Colleen is my surrogate little sister. She is one of the kids that I used to nanny for. She was 6 months old when I met her and has really turned into a beautiful young woman. And I was thrilled that I could turn her onto a lot of new wave and alternative music, especially NIN. She had a great time at the concert and so did I. We had general admission tickets and me being older and less tolerant of shenagians I was worried. I told her that we had to stay toward the back because people get kinda crazy when you get closer to the stage. I wasnt worried about me, it was more about protecting her from the drunk ass idiots up there. Well I guess there can be drunk ass idiots everywhere and we were right behind Hindu arms girl and her boyfriend who thought that he was at a rap concert. Rapman was very annoying and verrry drunk. He kept talking and then would loose his balance and then fall back on Colleen. It drove us both crazy. I decided to fight back and when he came back toward us, I just pushed him back. Once he slipped and fell on the floor and I secrectly wished he would have hurt his leg and then would be hauled off, but that didnt happen. A friend of his was close to him and saw what was going on and he came over to help. He kept staring at Colleen the red headed beauty and he protected her for most of rest of the night.

The boys like NIN as well. If we are in the car and they start fighting all I have to do is put on some Nails and they get really quiet and are content. NIN was one of the first concerts that they went to while in utero. I went to see U2 at 8 weeks pregnant. Since I had missed NIN in St. Louis, they were doing a college tour in February and were in Champaign so I got tickets. Now those were very good seats, 7th row center. It was very active in my belly that night. I was hugely pregnant at 21 weeks but that didnt stop me from having a good time.

I got the call at 5:10am this morning. DH arrived in CA but at a totally different airport than where he was supposed to be. Things were all messed up with his hotel and the car rental but when he called he was in his hotel. He sounded exhausted. I know I was. I called him around 12:50am to tell him that i was going to bed and he was still in Denver and had been rerouted to Oakland, and that plane was over 3 hours late. I was just glad that he was at his destination and the plane landed without incident. I know he is tired. I am tired from worrying about him.

The boys are doing good, although they all have colds right now. I am the only one who is healthy. Wait I shouldnt have said that. I will probably be next. :)

Friday is my first epidural steroid injection in my back. I am glad that it is finally going to happen and hope that it helps with the back pain.

Connecting in Denver

What is it with the flights from St. Louis to Denver? Everytime DH and I go through that lovely airport something gets messed up and we end up staying in the Mile High City for a night. Tonight DH is on his way to Silicone Valley in California for training for his new job. He took the latest flight he could so he could hang out with me and the dudes. He leaves at the scheduled time and then when I was coming in front putting out the trash he was on the phone. I asked him why he wasnt in the air and he said that he was on his way to Denver but the plane was leaking fuel and they had to return to STL. Thank God they noticed the fuel leak and came back safe and sound. Now the real problem is that he just barely missed his connecting flight in Denver. That flight was running late itself but had already departed the gate before his plane got to its gate. SHIT!! Now I dont know all of this for sure, I am just checking the handy dandy flight status checker on United.com. I sure hope that some how that plane heading to San Jose waited for him and that the flight checker is wrong. He is so tired and has a lovely cold that the boys also have. I am the only one who doesnt have it.....YET. I hope he doesnt have to stay in Denver for the night.

Restriction

There is one thing that I have done throughout my life, when someone tells me what I cant do, I do it anyway. Today was no exception. I have been having back pain lately. Some very serious back pain that I have never felt before. I always chocked up the back pain as something to do with endometriosis, and I had been told that as well by several doctors. This started a few weeks ago. I had just been cleared by my gyn to go back to yoga class and I had no restrictions at all, even when lifting up the boys. I was all excited cause I needed a relaxing night at yoga class. Two days later I had some wicked pain in my lower back. The next day the boys went for their 2 year check up, 3 months late, better late than never I suppose. Anyway in the office I went to pick up one of them and my back spasmed. I had not ever had a back spasm before. I thought little about it at the time but that evening it got worse. So I went to an urgent care place to have someone check it out and give me some muscle relaxers. X-rays were taken and the doc told me that I have probable spinal stenosis and sciatica. Fine, whatever, just give me something to stop the spasms. Two days later it wasnt any better. I called my doctor. He sent me for a CT and physical therapy. CT came back with mild spinal stenosis and bulging discs. Oh joy!! I thougth I was done with this pain thing. I am now being referred to a pain specialist for some epidural steroid shots. I just want this to pain to stop going down my leg!!

After having the hysterectomy done in June, I took a lot of crap from the MIL. I wasnt supposed to do this, or that. But she didnt know what my restrictions were, she just wanted to boss me around like usual. I took it, I was weak and recovering. After 4 weeks of her being in my house and taking care of the boys I couldnt take it anymore and I lied and said I had no restrictions. I wasnt supposed to be picking up the boys but I knew that if she spent one more day in my house that something bad would happen. She had to go. The first morning that she didnt come, Ian was sitting in the window waiting for her. He turned to me and said, "Gahma come?" I said that she wasnt coming today and he turned to me and clapped his hands and said "YAY!!" So I know it wasnt just me that needed a break from her. So fast forward to today. She has no idea what my restrictions are or even if I have any. DH and I went to see Batman and went shopping. We had lots of stuff in the car and I brought some in and she told me that I should sit down and that I shouldnt be carrying anything. Ok, fine, you might want to say, "ahhhh that was really sweet". Stop right there! It wasnt a sweet moment. It was her trying to tell me what I can and cant do. So I turned around and went out to my car and grabbed the bulk toliet paper pack, batteries, and anything else I could get my hands on and brought it into the house. DH knows not to tell me what I can do, he just lets me decide and when I tell him I cant bend over one more time, he believes me and takes care of it. Why does she think she is in charge of everything in my life? You would think that she would get tired of trying to boss me around when I do what I want anyway. Man that woman makes me nuts.

P.S. My only restriction is not to inflict bodily harm upon her. :)

Popsicle

Summer Fun

I've been a good girl

I dont know if its all the pain meds that I have been on latley but last night I had a nightmare about losing one of the boys. IT was so scary. I woke up with tears in my eyes and visibly shaken. The dream ended at the point when we finally found him. I was so upset and freaked out. Poor Ian, he had to be snuggled all day and night today. I have never had a bad dream about one of the dudes so this was really scary. I think I might be sleeping too much! :) Well at least I am supposed to lay down during the day and rest so I can recover from surgery. Today I started watching the last season of the FX show "Rescue Me" Its a great show and I wactched 3 episodes this afternoon, and cant wait for the mail to show up tomorrow and I get the next disc from Netflix.

I seem to be healing pretty well. I go for a follow-up on Friday with Dr. Mc Closkey. I think she will be very proud of me for doing what she told me to do and rest. Most importantly not to pick up the boys, which has been really hard on them and me. But I am following instructions with the hope that I will get some of my restrictions lifted. God knows I gotta get my driving privledges back. I dont feel stir crazy but would just like to get out by myself and do something I want to do. I want to go have a pedicure done so I was thinking of asking a friend to see if she wants one and then she could drive me. :) So Julia, if you are reading this, do you wanna go get a pedi anytime soon?? :) My toes are in need of some tlc. DH did his best by painting them but its just not the same. :)

Please take my poll. I am curious what people think and what they have done. If you have a strong opinion on what I should do please leave me a comment in the comments section. Or you can email me with your thoughts. 3goodeggs at gmail dot com.

The first one

So it happened, just as my doc had predicted 7 days post op. The dreaded hot flash. It wasnt pleasant. I'm not complaining, I just turned the ceiling fan on high and turned down the a/c to 50 below zero, and I was fine. I thought about getting the boys winter coats out for them but they survived. After a while it was very cold in here. I turned the a/c back up to an inhabitable level and everything is now fine. The icicles have melted and its now longer like living in the polar regions. It's gonna be a cold, cold summer here in the Midwest!!

Dear Chris

Dear Chris,

As you already know I had surgery on Monday. You know, the one that you told me to have almost 14 years ago. I had planned on you being there to do the honors, but you left this earth way too soon. But I know that you were there in spirit. I could feel you the night before while I was lying sleepless on my bed. I think you were rubbing my back and trying to let me know that it would be ok. I also felt your presence when I arrived at the hospital. I felt you sitting on my bed watching over the nurses who were getting me prepared for surgery. I know you were there. It was so comforting. As I was being wheeled down to the surgery suite, I didn't feel you. I got scared and thought that maybe I had made the wrong decision. I arrived in the room and you were definitely there waiting for me. You were the last thing that I thought of before I was off to sleep. I was hoping that your replacements could fill your shoes and have the same skilled hands that you had when it came to cleaning out my endo. I woke up about 4 hours later in the recovery room and I was hurting. I was also terrified that I had a laporotomy to remove my uterus and ovary. I saw my doc approach and she was smiling. When she got close enough I could hear her say, "I have very good news for you." I tried to smile but the pain was too great. She went on to say, " you have 4 holes in your belly and a few stitches in your vagina. You know what that means?" I just smiled and said to her in my rough raspy voice, "I LOVE YOU!!" I knew right then and there that you were there guiding the two surgeons hands and that you didn't let the 2nd year resident make too many mistakes when he got his chance to remove some adhesions. I was so happy, in pain but very happy. I could also tell you were around when I was alone in my hospital room. You gave me a lot of strength to get through the first night even though it was pretty bad until they gave me a pain med pump. Then I was quiet as a mouse, just every once in a while I would push the button and it would chirp. I made it though the first night very hungry and ready to go home the next morning. I had learned all the things that I needed to do, from having previous surgeries with you. so as soon as I could I ordered breakfast, the real kind not the liquid kind, asked to sit up in a chair, and then after breakfast got up to take a shower, which amazed my nurse who couldn't believe that I wanted a shower. I knew that if I did all these things and went to oral pain meds that my ticket would be issued that day and I would be discharged. I was still in pain but deep down I could tell it wasn't the same kind of pain that I had going into the surgery. That made me reassured that I had made the right decision to have this done.

After I got home that night and everyone was in bed, I could tell you were here with me. It made me cry this time because even though you weren't there physically you were with me watching over me and taking care of me like you always did.

Yesterday your wonderful Mom came over and brought DH and I food for a few days. When we were alone I told her that I felt that you were there with me at the hospital but that when I was being wheeled down to the OR I thought you were gone, only to find that you were there in the room waiting there after scrubbing in. She got tears in her eyes and so did I. We both knew that you were there and guiding the surgeons hands.

My current gyn doc told me that she could tell that I had many previous surgeries but in the areas that I had endo I did not have it previously because the old surgery sites were clean and free of endo. She complimented you on being such an excellent surgeon and keeping me in good shape to have had the boys. Mostly what I had this time was adhesions and there were lots of them. But that is no surprise to either of us. My uterus had a gnarly adhesion that went from there to my ovary and then that was adhered to my rectum. I guess now I know why I had massive leg and back pain. There was some new endo there but you and I had been keeping it at bay for so long that it wasn't that bad. So for that I thank you. I thank you for lots of things, but keeping me comfortable while I had to do a crazy things like trying IVF and then ultimately using donor eggs to get me pregnant. I am sure at times I seemed crazed about having kids but after raising your kids I knew that I had to have some of my own and didn't trust anyone else to care for some precious embryos. I had to get pregnant and experience that so I could say F-you to my crappy ovary. :) I am glad that I took the risk with the donor eggs and now am a Mom. Without your encouragement and understanding I wouldn't have done it. I don't know if you know this but when I was getting wheeled into the OR for an emergency c section you were the only one I wanted to talk to. You told me it would be ok and to try not to freak out. The boys would be ok. And after you came up the next day to see my boys, you were so happy that we both cried. Its makes me very sad that they will not get to know you but I do have photos of you holding them when they were really tiny and the past two Christmas's. I will cherish those forever.

So Dr. C I did it. I made another life changing choice that turned out to be one of the best things that I could have done for myself. I know you were there with me. I appreciate all that you did for me when you were in this life and I am grateful for what you have done for me even with you in another life. You are my great friend, sister, Mom, and role model. I promised my boys that with me feeling better soon and not being in pain that I would become a new lots more energy kind of Mommy. I just want you to know that I didn't just do this for me, I did it for us. So I would have more energy to take care of our kids. When you passed I decided to take on the role of great friend, sister, Mom, and role model to your kids. So now I will have the energy to take care of all of our kids. So thanks for doing what you have done for me here in my physical life and beyond. You are a great friend. I miss you but I know when I need you, you will be there with me and my boys comforting us from beyond. One day we will all be together again and drinking some wonderful wine.

Love,
Christine

Can you believe it?

I'm home! I am doing rather well. Just very sore and tired from being woken up all night long at the hospital to do vitals, inject meds, etc. I'll write more later. Its all good though. At least I what I can remember is.... :)