T minus 29 hours and counting

Tonight I saw Sex and the City movie. Dont worry I wont spoil anything but I will just say that if you are fan of the show then you will love it. I went with my girl Julia and we had a great time and also went to Chevy's for some margaritas. The talk, food, and Margs are just what I needed. I havent felt that giddy in a long time....it must have been the jumbo Marg.

So I chilled out and Spence seemed to settle down. Today DH took my place and starting whigging out. I know he is worried about me but he should be more worried about the dudes. I will be fine although I'm not so sure how the guys are going to handle it. Ian has the stomach flu, which couldnt come a worse time, but seems to be on the mend. Nothing would suck more than having a major abdominal surgery and then having the stomach flu. I dont even want to think about it. It would just be bad. Hopefully the other two dont get it and all remain healthy while Mommy is away.

I have some great photos of the guys but I push a button on my camera and now I cant get my memory card to communicate with the computer. I gotta read the book and figure out what I did but that will have to wait until I have lots of time on my hands. Which is coming up really soon......

Seconday Anxiety

Apparently I am showing some of my anxiety about surgery to Spencer. Poor dude has been acting nuts for the last few days. I guess I have been acting nuts as well. I have been feeling crappy and had a short fuse. He had an even shorter fuse and that mixed with being 2 doesnt make for a nice household. A few days ago I began talking to all of them about how Mommy is going to be gone for a few days and when she gets back she will not feel so great and she wont be able to pick them up for a while. Ian and Ollie just smiled at me. Spencer gave me a look. I dont know how to explain it but it was different than normal. The last two days he has been crying for no reason, sobbing actually, and is inconsolable. I thought that maybe he was getting his molars in, cause Ollie is chewing away and droolling. I gave him some ibuprofen and then tylenol and that didnt seem to do anything. So today when DH came home, I was at my wits end, he was crying along with everyone else, and I suggested that we take him to the pediatrician tomorrow if we can get an appointment. I called the office at 4:25 and they asked if I could be there by 5:15. We were there by 5pm! As soon as he got into the car he was fine and talking and laughing. He clung to me at the peds office for a while and then he became the old silly Spencer that I know. Dr. S checked him out and asked a million questions and the last one was, "which one is the sensitive one in the bunch?" Of course its Spencer. I explained that I was having surgery on Monday and was worried about how the boys would take it with me not being at full capacity. She smiled and said, "he's a Momma's boy, he knows when Momma is upset so he gets upset". Great, I make my kid a basketcase!! She was so nice about it all and told me that his ears look fantastic. Which is great to hear. We talked for a few more minutes and explained that kids pick up on anxiety more than husbands do, her exact words. LOL! So not to worry he wont be scared because of my surgery. I was glad to hear that. She said there was nothing she could do about the Mommy guilt that I was having. :)

I have been kinda irritable and cranky as of late. The main reason is that I dont have all my pain relief meds, which if you read this blog you know that I am a fan of ibuprofen and Aleve with some Vicodin mixed in for good measure. Hopefully after the intitial recovery period I wont need to take them unless I have a headache. At least that's the plan. And I am trying to be positive, which to a lot of people who know me is surprising, but I really can be positive its just more fun to complain. :)

Also I am nervous not knowing what type of surgery is going to be performed whether its a lap or laporotomy. Another reason I am all nervous is because to be honest I dont really know the two doctors very well that are going to be performing it. My old gyn, who I miss dearly, would make me feel so comfortable and I trusted her with my life. The same way she trusted me with her kids lives. So its not the same and I do trust my docs but I still wish it were her doing it. I wish she were still around to hold my hand and tell me everything would be ok. I wish she were around to hear about her 16 year old daughter's first date. It's just so sad. I am very sad. I think this a great part of my anxiety. There is no way to change the situation so I am trying to not think about it but its hard. I know that this is all normal anxiety mixed in with some underlying depression and I shouldnt worry but since its rubbing off on my little snuggle bunny Spencer then I need to chill out. I have been cooking like a mad woman. I need to just put the rest of the uncooked meat in the freezer and let it freeze. Eating MIL's food for a while wont kill me, at least I hope. Tomorrow I am going to have a good day with the boys. We only have 3 more days together as me playing the roll of Crabass Mom. Hopefully Crabass Mom will cease to exist unless provoked in the future. Its the pain, I'm telling you, that makes me crazy.

5 more days

Today I went to St. Mary's for some pre-op testing. Just lots of blood and they gave me some antibacterial wash that I am supposed to use for two days prior to surgery. I dont know what's in it but it smells kinda icky! If that's the worst thing I have to do then I shouldnt complain.

Today was also DH's last day at his old job with the ob/gyns at St. Mary's and we brought the boys by to say "hello". Our last stop was in the NICU. One of my favorite nurses that the boys had, her name is Kelly, was there. We cant hug because of germs but we were so excited to see each other. She was so much fun to have around and always kept me calm when something was going wrong. She is an awesome nurse, anyway I told her that I would be on the floor and hoped she would come down and say "hi" after my surgery. She said she would and would bring the posse of my other favorite nurses. We didnt get to see all of our favs because they werent there so hopefully I will get to see them next week. The most interesting part of stopping by the NICU was that a set of quads had just been born and the Dad was there washing his hands and turned around and just said "WOW!!" when we rolled in. I really dont think he has any idea what has just happened and how much his life is going to change. He was very nice and I gave him my number and told him to call me or have his wife call. He was so cute, all doe eyed. Mom of the quads rolled in on her gurney and I said hello and told her to call me if she had time. Those first days in the NICU can be so scary. Well the whole NICU experience can be scary. Hopefully it isnt too scary for them and that its a short stay.

I've been busy cooking and preparing the house. Tomorrow I am making chicken marsala and a few other things. That is if the boys are in good moods and will not require my undivided attention. I am getting kinda nervous about the surgery because of the boys and how life is gonna change for a while and i wont be around much. I worry mostly about my snuggle bunny Spencer cause he like to snuggle lots with his Mommy. Not sure how Ian and Ollie are gonna react butI hope it isnt too tramautic for them. I know its gonna be hard for me not to be around them but as I get better it will be easier on everyone.

Routine Change

There has been talk of a routine change with the boys while I am recovering from surgery. Now if you read this blog regularly you know that I like the routine we are in and am only open to suggestions from DH. Any changes made by my MIL is not an option. EVER!! I know I might be a little nutty about this but I believe that routine is good and helps the boys know what to expect day after day. I am flexible about times but not about changing naptimes or locations. It just seems silly to me. So early on in the discussion of the possibility of me having surgery the MIL asked if the boys therapy could be moved around to different times. I, of course, said NO. If the therapists want to change therapy times then fine I will accomodate them, its no big deal. But to change because she doesnt want to be here 3 mornings a week so the boys can have therapy is not going to happen. I already warned the therapists that she had been talking about it and if she mentioned it to them or tried to change anything to call me and let me know. I will be here to sign the progress notes so I can stay up on their therapy after the first week of recovery. So thats not up for discussion. The other thing is that she wants to take the boys to her house every afternoon so I can have some "quiet" time. Whatever, I can see through that it a second. But I asked DH if that would be a problem for him and he said it would be because then he would have to cart them home everyday and bring them into the house by himself. Which is a chore, let me tell you. She wants to make dinner every night and eat at her house. So am I being unreasonable? I dont mind if a few times they go to her house but not every day. My fear is that they will expect to go out every day after I have recovered. Plus I want to be able to be around them as much as possible. I am the main caregiver and they arent used to Mom not being around. The MIL has made it very clear that she doesnt want me coming out of my room because the boys will want to be with me. WHAT?? Of course they will want to be with me, I am their Mom. So you can see what I am dealing with. What do you think? Should I allow the routine to be changed? Am I being inflexible?

My fur kids

I took the dogs to the groomer this morning and my beloved Chow is getting a lion's cut. I'm not exactly sure how she is gonna like it or even if I'm gonna like it so I sit here and wait. I hope she does ok with her new cut. She will be cooler, cause that girl has lots and lots of fur. It comes out in clumps and it seems that she never stops shedding in the summer. This cut will take care of that, or at least that's the hope. I hope she doesnt hate me.....I told her before I left that all fur grows back. HA! Romeo, my Portie, is getting completely shaved as well. He is a woolly beast and will feel a lot better. Although I do prefer him to be all crazy looking, he will be much cooler. I will try to post before and after pictures later.

13 days and 14 hours

So the real countdown has begun. I have been thinking on and off about surgery but it didnt really hit me until this morning when I had to make a conscious effort to remember to not take anything with ibuprofen or aleve. I have said before that I live in chronic pain and those two meds are some of my best friends. They keep me sane. Now dont think that I dont have any other pain relief, because I do, its just that the ibuprofen in combination with vicodin kicks endo's ass! V alone doesnt do quite such a good job. But at least I can somewhat function. I think this is by far the worst part of the pre-surgery regime. Now there is the dreaded bowel prep that is coming the day before surgery but it aint that big a deal. I say that now, but it really isnt that bad. Or at least that's what I told DH before he had a colonoscopy a few months back. He wasnt too thrilled about it but luckily everything went fine and he doesnt have to do it again for at least 5 years. Me, on the other hand, am an old pro at the prep the day before surgery. I have done it so many times that I know what the best method of achieving the evacuation will be. I was just lucky that my gyn likes the same method and it doesnt involve drinking a gallon of nasty tasting stuff, just 12 oz of lemony flavored stuff that can be bought at any pharmacy over the counter and the best part is that its CHEAP, less than $2!!! There is nothing worse than having to pay for overly priced laxative that makes you want to barf after chugging down a glass every 20 minutes for hours on end. I put it in the freezer and get it real cold and then use a shot glass and stand over the sink and pretend that I am doing lemon drop shots. It doesnt exactly taste like lemon drop shots but it works. I wonder what would happen if I added a little vodka to it? I am allowed to have clear liquids that day and they didnt say anything about not drinking liquor. Hmmmm.

I have been making meals for the freezer. So if anyone out there has any suggestions for meals to freeze please forward them to me or give a link. I made a mexican lasagna, sloppy joes, meatloaf, and hamburger patties this morning. I also made some banana bread, one is in the freezer and the other wont survive until the morning! For some reason the boys stopped eating nanas and I keep buying them. Oh well, the bread is good and very easy to make. I am going to make some chicken dishes tomorrow and hopefully will have a freezer full of food that can be easily heated up in the oven later when I am recovering. If left to the other option of eating the MIL's food DH and I might lose a lot of weight because her food sucks! DH is all for me freezing ahead of time. He says it was no accident that he was ultra skinny throughout his young life. She makes lasagna and its just gross, but that's a story for another post.

Blah, Blah!!!

Who me??

The other night we were getting the boys into their cribs and Ollie and Spence were already in them when I called for Ian. He was no where in sight and so I went to get him. It was dark in the living room and I turned the corner and he jumped out at me and screamed, "Blah!! Blah!!" It was so funny. He had never tried to scare me before but I am always hiding around corners and then jumping out at him saying the same thing. He was so proud of himself that he scared Mommy. We laughed and laughed. I think I might have created a monster.

2 hours and 35 minutes

Wow I cant say enough about the staff at St. Louis Children's Hospital. They were excellent today. Our ENT doc is awesome. We arrived at 6am and was met by a lady from the registration department and she took us to Same day surgery and checked us in and explained things in detail. Then came our nurses they were great as well. Spence was done before 8am and we arrived home at 9:04am. It was an easy day for us. Spencer faired remarkably well without his MILK. I dont think he even noticed it wasnt around. But when time came in the recovery process that he could have some juice he drank down the whole sippy cup in two gulps!! He wasnt too happy and I think was in a little bit of pain but he got some more pain meds and he was very content. He took a 4 hour nap and has eaten a little bit this afternoon and evening. He amazed me today. He did fine.

The best part of the day was that he didnt have to be intubated or completely sedated. All they use is nitrous oxide aka laughing gas. He was done with his surgery in 10 minutes. I was so worried about an IV and the intubation that I was beaming that it wasnt going to happen. Before they took him to the surgery suite they gave him a little mask that smelled like bubble gum and the nurse anesthesist showed him what to do and he had no problem. It seemed way to easy! But that's a good thing.

As he was being discharged the nurse was going over his restrictions and what dose of tylenol he should receive. He kept asking if we had any questions and both DH and I said, "No." Then I said "I dont mean to sound so casual but this procedure was nothing like the NICU experience and we survived that." The nurse replied, "You got that right!"

Spencer's big day

Tomorrow's the big day for Spencer. I think I am more worried about him than I am for myself in 22 days. Yes, I am counting down the days! I hadnt really thought much about the NICU experience in a while. But I cant help to think about it now. He will be intubated and will be put out for the tubes. That scares me. I suppose all parents feel helpless when their child has a surgerical procedure. I didnt think it would bother me much but it does. I know that he will be fine, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. It's a 10 minute procedure and is routine but he will be away from me for longer. I think the thing that scares me the most is that he wont be able to have any MILK in the morning. He can be quite the drama queen. We leave the house at 5:30am and should be back by late morning early afternoon or at least that's the hope. I just realized that no MILK for Spencer means no Diet Pepsi for me. Man its gonna be rough. I guess DH and I will have to take turns in the hallway away from Spence while we guzzle down a can or two of soda!! OMG! Pray for us! :)