Ahhhhhh

See I am not the only crab ass in the house.

I went to my favorite ob/gyn today and had a wonderful appointment. Seriously. I love her and she is just great. Anyway she totally listened and agreed that I am most likely on my way to menopause and that the endo is acting up again. She was surprised that it took this long for it to come back. I kinda am to. I was hoping that it would never come back. It is possible to be in perimenopause and still have active endo. Those damn implants produce their own estrogen that keeps them alive and kicking. Bastards. Anyway, she ordered labs and did a pap. I have to say that I didnt even realize when the pap was over. She is that good. It didnt hurt at all. She has done all my 7 surgeries and we laughed at my lone scabbed up ovary was still trying to work. So she is no hurry to do anymore surgery and understands why I cant just do it right now. We both know its in the cards and when the time is right then it will be done. I am starting on a new pill called Yaz. I didnt realize that it is not only a birth control pill but also treats premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I am so glad that she picked that one!! I have been so overly emotional and down right irrational lately.

Last night I picked a fight with DH about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Why?? Well I am not sure. But we differ greatly on politics and of course I blamed a lot of dear old GWB. I said that I thought that Katrina and its mishandling is going to be a hot button issue in the next election. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected (which I already know cause i have a bachelors in political science, duh!!) and it was a non issue. Plus he doesnt control FEMA. To which I went ballistic and gave my points about how he failed to put a competent person in charge of FEMA and how corrupt the Republican party is and so on. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected over and over. Finally I had enough, cause I didnt vote for the horrible man, and told DH to "SHUSH!!!!!" He got so mad and I just wanted to be left alone. Its all so silly and kinda comical now but last night I wanted to do bodily harm to him. So it was good that I told her the story and we laughed and she prescribed Yaz. She knows me all too well......

Veteran

Ok so the hot flashes were ignored, the mood swings ignored, the pain, however was noted and it was decided by the doc that its my horrible evil endometriosis rearing its ugly head again. I am kinda pissed off, like that's anything new, that he didnt listen and immediately decided that it was endo related. Endo doesnt cause hot flashes and mood swings,but it does produce pain that wont go away. Easy diagnosis. Whatever. I am going back to who I should have gone to in the first place. By dear old friend who diagnosed me . Well I havent called yet but I will tomorrow and see what she says. There has got to be another treatment for endo other than the dreaded Lupron. I have had enough of Lupron. I hate Lupron. For those of you who dont know what it is it makes you go into menopause and it sucks!! Well actually it would make me feel better but I have taken it so many times that I am afraid of bone loss. Seriously. The doc asked me to give him a reason for not wanting Lupron so he could record it in my chart, and I said "cause it sucks!" and he wrote that down and chuckled. He's a good guy and I know him pretty well, but he didnt really seem to listen to me. He wants a pelvic u/s and that cant happen for 2 weeks so I here I sit in pain. Fine, I will wait.


The only real option if its truly endo related is a hysterectomy. Which is fine by me but I dont want to do a laparotomy. Thats the kind of cut one gets when they have a c section. I would do it tomorrow if they would do it laparoscopically. Thats where they make small incisions in your belly and take things out that way. Less recovery time and doesnt hurt as much. Laparotomy takes 8 weeks to recover from and is very painful. I dont really have the luxury to be out 8 weeks. I have no idea how things would work with dealing with the boys. And the other thing is that the MIL would be here making me nuts everyday and that is something that I cant handle. Seriously. I think that would make things worse. I have dealt with endo my whole life. Actually had the dx since 1997 and have had many surgeries, including both that I mentioned above, several times. Well more times that I would like to discuss here. Lets just say that I am veteran of pelvic surgery. Which sucks to!



On another note, the boys are doing fine. Ian is walking like Frankenstein all over the livingroom. Spencer is standing on his own in the middle of the room and is pretty excited about it. Ollie is crusing along the furniture watching the other two as they make mistakes so he can avoid them. They had their 15 month check up a few weeks ago and Ian weighed 22 1/2 pounds, Spencer weighed 20 1/2 pounds, and Oliver was 18 1/2 pounds.

We also stopped by the NICU today and to say hi to the nurses. It was a little over a year ago that Ollie was discharged. DH and I commerated the day last week. Its hard to believe that they are now 15 months old.

And finally, today is the anniversary of my Dad's passing in 2001. So Dad if you are reading this I miss you and I wish you could meet your grandsons!! Ian looks just like you, eventhough thats not really possible. :) I wish we could have had a better relationship while you were here. I regret not being a better daughter. I hope you know that I talk to you everyday and think of you all the time. I tell the boys about their grandpa that they will never meet. I miss you! Ok I am crying now.

The pause

Well I think it is really here. Perimenopause. That ugly word that no woman who is in her 30's wants to say or even think about. I have been having severe mood swings, hot flashes, almost daily migraines, and breast tenderness, all while being on the pill. I knew I had problems, hence the donor eggs, but was hoping that by being on the pill I wouldnt notice those awful symptoms. Monday I go see an RE who will hopefully listen to me and take my symptoms seriously.

I thought maybe all the mood swings could be from dealing with 3 15 month olds but I think its bigger than just them making me nuts. I am so cranky that I dont even like myself right now. I get mad at myself for being so irrational, kinda like how the boys are. Hmmm maybe its not the pause, maybe I am just mimicking the behavior of the boys? Now that is a scary thought!

Happy 4th of July

Yessss MOTHER, I am taking this driving thing seriously. Flashforward 15 years?? Ian

So today was the day!! Well it really was supposed to be tomorrow but it happened today. NO MORE FORMULA!!!! Sorry to shout but its such a wonderful thing. We had one can that had a popped lid and it was thrown away and whole milk was given. The boys didnt even notice. DH and I noticed in our checking account. Cha ching!!!

Spencer eating blackberries.

Today we went over to my good friend Yvette's house for her daughters 5th birthday party. I was there when Lola was born. I was also there when her baby brother was born 20 months ago. I was right in the middle of my donor cycle and had to go into her hospital room bathroom to inject myself with Lupron. We all had a great time. The boys were so good I cant believe it. It helps that her house has lots of toys and is child proof. I need to find more friends that have kids so when we go to their houses we wont have to worry about one of them taking a tumble down a large flight of steps or breaking anything. :)

Good Ole Ollie.

I was wrong

No ear infection for the boy. He just has a cold that doesnt want to go away. Fine, whatever. The problem now is he doesnt want to nap, and I desperately want him to. Although he is watching "Finding Nemo" and is pretty happy about it. Which I guess makes me happy to.

Here is a pic of Oliver from the other day.

More Pink Medicine??

I am pretty sure that Spencer has an ear infection. I am going to call the ped's office tomorrow but I am almost positive that's why he is so cranky. He is such a good natured guy but has been so cranky lately. He cries and laughs at the same time. Its so sad.

The work continues in the basement. Almost all the wiring is done. I have mudded all I can and am going to sand in preparation for the walls to be painted. All that is left are the stairs that have to be rebuilt (to make them wider), paint for the whole basement, and carpet. Then the fun begins!! I cant wait to have the boys down there so they have more room. Plus it will be a good place to have the MIL when she is here. I can hang upstairs while she is downstairs tending to the boys. Its such a wonderful thought.

Today DH and I went to Sams. We now have 4 cases of diapers and a box of wipes. Whooo Hooo!!! We also bought a gallon of whole milk in anticipation of the big day. Since I started my countdown the boys have consumed less and less formula and demanded more and more real food. So their will be a delay in the switch but it is coming soon!!

Not much else going on around here. It's been kinda boring lately. I guess that's a good thing.