My life with triplet boys that were born via donor eggs.

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Sucky day

Today the boys saw their Neonatologist. She and I have had problems in the past and today for whatever reason she seemed to make things worse. I was not confrontational at all and I wasnt even being defensive. We were all there to go over the results of the neurodevelopmental testing that the boys had done a few weeks back. The first thing she asked was did DH and I have any concerns. We said "no". Which I think started things off in the wrong direction. Yes we know the boys are behind, and some more than the others. Yes we are concerned about it. BUT that is why the boys are getting speech therapy and two are receiving occupational therapy. Duh, like we dont know that they are delayed!!! Come on. So she said "Well you should be concerned on their slow development". Fine we said that we were but those issues were being addressed already with their therapists. So she goes over each boy and their weaknesses. Ian seems to be on target for his actual age of 19 months. The only thing with him is he is a little delayed with speech. Oliver, who she said that the psychologist stated in her report was the one who we were the most worried about, is behind in all areas but better than his brother Spencer. He has a very definite speech delay. The boy just started talking again after he began to walk in October. He has issues with listening to direction. Blah, blah, blah. Then it came time for Spencer. The problem child, or the one we dont think has ANY problems (please note the sarcasm). Spence definetly has a speech delay but not as bad as the other two. He says, Mom, Dad, Bottle, kitty cat, dog, ball, up, out, and every once in a while says milk. He is just quiet and shy when he doesnt know the person who is testing him. He doesnt listen to direction. And he is wild. Crazy kind of wild. He laughs all the time. So we got chewed out because we are worried about the wrong kid. It pisses me off.

The next thing she took issue with was that the boys are getting Synagis again this year. "Oh if I were the medical director of your insurance I would never have allowed it" Dr. Not so Nice said. "They dont have any more lung or heart issues so they are fine". Whatever. Man I didnt even ask to get the Synagis and was very surprised that we got approved. Maybe the Medical Director for Healthlink realizes that if the boys got RSV then the hospital stay would cost more than all the damn shots combined for all the boys for the year!!! Jeez.

The last thing that she busted my balls about was that I havent taken the boys to a playgroup or a Mother's Day out. I dont even know what the f*&k a mother's day out program is. I dont know anyone who has kids that are the same or close to the boys age. "oh their speech will take off if you get out of the house more" Fine whatever. Just keep piling on the blame for the speech off on me. " you need to read to them more" Hey Dr. Unrealistic have you ever tried to read a book to three little hooligans?? DH and I both read books to the boys all the time but we cant do it with all of them at the same time. One is trying to grab the book and turn the pages, the other one is trying to eat the pages, and the last one just wants to get away from his brothers so he starts crying and then biting his brothers who are way too close for his comfort. Sheesh!! And then getting them all out of the house when I am by myself is impossible and will not happen. I can get them all into the car but getting them out and then having to leave one behind while I run in and drop the other two off is not something that I want to do. It is almost impossible.

I just want to scream!!! I thought I was doing a great job with the boys. They are all healthy. No physical problems from prematurity just delays. That's something that I dont think I can control or manipulate to make it better. I provide them with every opportunity to excel and catch up to their peers. I dare anyone to find a toy in the playroom that isnt a developmental tool. Give me a break. I just dont think I can win with that lady. I thought our problems that we had in the NICU were all but forgotten. I guess I was wrong.


Unknown said...

I am sorry you had to experience this. We had the same experience last January with our twins at their NICU follow up clinic. In not so many words, they told us that our Birth to three therapists were incompetent. They suggested that our children had much worse delays that were not being dealt with appropriately. I left there in tears. We were so upset and just livid! The Birth to three therapists spend an up to an hour a week working one on one with them, and had been for over six months. Who were these people who saw them for just 30 minutes each every six months???

My husband and talked about it, and decided that we saw enough other physicians and therapists, that we did not need the NICU follow up... it was duplication of services. So we decided not to take the kids back, and I have not looked back since! The way they sometimes present it, it is as if parents do not have a choice, but you do. Obviously her comments were not helpful to you, perhaps you should consider that at this point.

Hope this helps, and you are not alone! Hang in there!

Oh yeah, and I was told that my kids would not get synagis this year, but I went to a new pulmonologist (insurance change) and they told me that they should get it. So I talked told their ped to make the final decision. She reviewed this year's Synagis recommendations, and sure enough, they get their first dose tomorrow! Maybe the neonatologist should familiarize herself with the new recommendations!

Antropóloga said...

That sounds really frustrating and unrealistic and unhelpful and rude. And they don't really seem crazily behind, especially not for triplets. Anyway, I'm sorry.

ReD said...

Screw her! She probably doesn't have kids by the sound of it. Your doing really good, the boys are happy and as healthy as they can be. So screw that Dr. B*&ch!

John and Becca said...

I wonder if your Neo doc has kids. Don't you ever wonder those things? I sometimes have a hard time trying to get out of the house with one kid.