My life with triplet boys that were born via donor eggs.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Cute pic but beware lots of ranting
Now dont think he was fooled for one minute. He knew that was his Daddy. Tonight was DH's office Christmas party. It was a nice time, sort of, but very hectic as the boys wanted to run free all night. Since DH was playing Santa I had to rely on the kindness of others to help out. Which a few people did and made it bareable for me and I didnt lose it with the boys.
DH works with the ob/gyns that delivered the boys. Their delivery was not handled well and I am still very bitter about it, but I try to put on a nice face and be pleasant. I was fine until my high risk guy stopped me while I was fetching a glass of wine for one of the boy's handlers. He said that he took care of a few more sets of multiples, but that they made it well into 30 weeks unlike me who was noncompliant with medical orders. I looked at him to see if he was joking and then let him have it. Its been 20 months in the making. He just stood there stunned. I told him that all the multiples Mommies talk and that he is not high on the list of docs to go to because he doesnt take things seriously. Plus the fact that he came into my room the day after I delivered the boys and said that if he had been there (he was supposed to be but his wife had a migraine) he would have delivered the boys VAGINALLY!!! 27 weekers vaginally??? I was pissed at the time and told him to get the f&^K out of my room. I'm still pissed a year and a half later. So many things were botched in that delivery. If I hadnt insisted that the 4th year resident come to see me while I was screaming from labor and knew that something was wrong, I think that DH would have delivered Ian right then and there as he was crowning. But no one took me seriously. The 2nd year resident that told me that he could only give me tylenol for pain was there as well. I shot him the stink eye. He pointed over to us and told his companion that he delivered them. I dared him to come over so I could break his leg and offer him tylenol for the pain. Of course I didnt dare him out loud. If he had been close enough he might have left a cripple.
I really thought that I had put that horrific night to bed but when Cowboy Tom, the ob, said that I wasnt compliant I just hit the roof. That was so far from the truth to how seriously I took being the carrier of three babies. He may have been joking but he wasnt laughing when I walked away. I cant believe that he would even suggest that I didnt do everything and anything to keep my babies inside me. My cervix gave out. I started having contractions over a month before the boys were delivered and he didnt take me seriously. I felt like the girl who cried "contraction". I wanted to go on bedrest and he wouldnt agree. I ended up in the women's evaluation unit 6 times with contractions before another doc decided that I was truly having them and it was time for me to get off my feet. By that time my cervix had shortened and the damage had been done. I had asked for a cerclage at 20 weeks but was told that I didnt need one. One of the other triplet Mommies got one, the one who was compliant, and she went to 30 weeks. The Mag could only do so much to stave off delivery.
I truly believe that I have PTSD and when those memories crop up it just sets things off. I really want to leave all that behind me but every once in a while, when it pops up, I get so upset. I know I should just let all this go but its really hard for me. My chest is tight and I am feeling so anxious it scares me. By me pounding on these keys it has helped. I am still upset but letting the world know what happened makes me feel better, well sort of.
On a bright note, we took the boys up to the NICU to visit the nurses before the party. It was so nice to see the nurses and talk. I miss them. They really became family to me during the boys stay. I send pictures all the time and on their first birthday we came in and brought them cupcakes to celebrate. Which was so fitting to be with them on that date because they were the reason why the boys made it to their first birthday. Without their advocating and extensive knowledge and caring I dont know if they all would have made it home. Seriously. The NICU ride was pretty crazy but for some reason I dont get upset when I go there. I am happy to walk back through those doors and not have a child in an isolette. I am proud that my boys graduated and are doing well. Without the encouragement of a few of those nurses I dont know if I would have not been afraid to have three babies at home. They really pumped me up and gave me the strength to face the fact that I was a triplet Mommy and the shit had just hit the fan! And that I would be a good Mom, frazzled but a good one nontheless. :) Two of the very special ones were there today. The one I havent seen and who was supposed to be there had to go to a funeral. She was the one who sat with me while Ollie was very ill and kept telling me that he would make it through and I would to. I requested her every night she was working for the boys. I wished the Divine Nurse M would have been there to see Ollie in all his 20 month glory. And so I could give her a big hug for taking such good care of Ollie and supporting me and giving me the strength to face this triplet Mommy thing with confidence. They all told me I could do it, it would be hard, but the boys were lucky to have a Mom like me. They might say that to all the Moms but it really made me feel good. :)
Ok enough for tonight. I think I have gone through every emotion possible in this post. I am teary eyed now but with a smile on my face.