Mmmmm grape jelly and biscuits

Ian--If I close my eyes she cant see me!!

Spencer

Oliver

Changes

The day that I was implanted with my boys the RE had a very frank discussion about whether to implant all three of the embryos or just two. I wanted all three, DH wanted all three, RE wanted two. It came down to our descision. We choose all three. Why? Well I have said this many times before, we were out of money, I was definetly out of patience, and we were afraid that the remaining embie would not thaw correctly and we would be out of luck. The RE did what we asked and we knew that the likelyhood of having all three was a possibility but not likely. How wrong were we?!! To be honest I wasnt exactly thrilled when all three showed heartbeats. I was worried about me. How could I do this? What the hell was going to happen to me? Then not long after I began to realize that it wasnt about me anymore, it was about them. I wasnt that important anymore. Well I was, of course the hostess to the party of three, but they would be the stars of future episodes of my life. And now I know that I am not the center of the my universe anymore. I dont think about my needs as much. When I go out shopping I am always buying things for them and when I look at something for me I hesitate and debate whether I really need it. I sometimes skip lunch because I am too tired and want to make sure the boys get fed and then take a nap and then fall on the couch in exhaustion only to get right back up because someone isnt sleeping and I keep going. Using the bathroom is no longer a private affair, I think you know what I mean. Then there are the things that people do that make me want to cry. In a good way. Its because she thought of me, as me and not the Mom of triplets. I almost cried when a friend showed up out of the blue on Friday. She had asked the day before if I could go to lunch with her and some other friends but I didnt have a sitter so she did the next best thing she brought me lunch. Someone thought of me!!! It was such a nice thing to do. I wolfed it down cause it was feeding time for the boys but it was the best nachos bellegrande that I have ever had. Thanks for thinking of me. It made me realize that I am still somewhere in here and that I do have a life and friends who care and I am not just the mother of triplets.

Just chuggin along

Oliver


Ok so I know the blog hasnt really been much about the boys lately and its just me bitchin about me. I will try to make it more about the boys. But in case you wanted to know I think I feel a little better. I think.....

So today Oliver started standing behind his push walker toy. He loves that push walker. I was so proud of him. He is really starting to get ready to walk. Spence is still doing what he does best, cruising around the coffee table and then falling and banging his head. He does it so gracefully sometimes that I never know if he is going to need some snuggling after the fall or not. He continues to take steps without any assistance. Ian is doing great to. He has developed separation anxiety with DH. He dosent like when Daddy isnt around. He likes to stack blocks with Daddy and instead of constantly knocking them down he will place a few on top of the others and steps back and looks at his tower in amazement. Then he gets mad when Spence or Ollie comes by and knocks them down. Oh well Ian just get used to it. Its just starting with your brothers.

Some good some bad

Spencer

Tonight Spence took a few steps from the table to me. I am not sure if it was the momentum that kept him up but he did it!! He has been standing in the middle of the room for about 20 seconds by himself. This latest accomplishment was all done with the MIL in the room and she didnt even notice. Which is a good thing for Spencer. He needs time to develop his skills before she starts in on him. When Ian was starting to walk she kept him moving all the time and when he would cry she would tell him to stop and start walking. DH and I are more of the thought that we would let him do his thing and figure it out on his own. Even when he started walking we didnt do anything to "help" him. Just let him do it and now he is a walking fool. Even if he does walk like Frankenstein. :)

I am still in a pissy mood. For the last two night the in laws have been here. I wanted to kill someone tonight so I just left. When they got here she suggested that I go out to dinner by myself. WTF?? That started it and I wasnt backing down. Everytime I leave them to feed the boys dinner they wake up in the middle of the night and are hungry. So I stayed until they had been fed and corrected her while she tried to coax Spence into eating the cheese on his tray. She even went as far as forcing it into his mouth which made him cry and made me furious. I told her that she shouldnt do that and of course as always she did it again and I corrected her. Then he got sweet potatoes on his nose and she had to wipe him immediately. I told her not to do that and leave him alone, she did it again and this time I said "I told you to leave him alone" she just looked at me with a stupid look on her face.... God please help me from killing her. She still thinks of the boys as little babies, which they are not. She insists on doing things the same way when they are changing and doing things their way, so they are becoming toddlers. Spencer doesnt want anyone holding his bottle which I love. She still thinks he needs to be cuddled while feeding. WRONG!! She does the same thing to Ollie and he just stops eating and pushes her face away. Tonight he did that and I told her to sit up with him on her lap and give him the bottle that way. She said that she did that and he still wasnt eating, which was so wrong. "he isnt hungry" which I know is not true. He likes to be on the floor and sit up and drink. Once she finally listened he did drink. At that point I knew that I was about to lose it with her and I went to the garage and told DH that I was leaving, which I did. I hate that she gets me so pissed that i feel like I have to leave my own house to keep from starting world war 3. The FIL was in the basement working with DH. DH called me around 8:05 to tell me it was ok to come home.

Oh speaking of the basement it is coming along and we are about to paint and then comes the carpet!!! That means that we are almost done.

I feel better just getting that out. I am trying to get out of this cranky funk that I am in. I need an attitude adjustment!! Any suggestions?

Ahhhhhh

See I am not the only crab ass in the house.

I went to my favorite ob/gyn today and had a wonderful appointment. Seriously. I love her and she is just great. Anyway she totally listened and agreed that I am most likely on my way to menopause and that the endo is acting up again. She was surprised that it took this long for it to come back. I kinda am to. I was hoping that it would never come back. It is possible to be in perimenopause and still have active endo. Those damn implants produce their own estrogen that keeps them alive and kicking. Bastards. Anyway, she ordered labs and did a pap. I have to say that I didnt even realize when the pap was over. She is that good. It didnt hurt at all. She has done all my 7 surgeries and we laughed at my lone scabbed up ovary was still trying to work. So she is no hurry to do anymore surgery and understands why I cant just do it right now. We both know its in the cards and when the time is right then it will be done. I am starting on a new pill called Yaz. I didnt realize that it is not only a birth control pill but also treats premenstrual dysphoric disorder. I am so glad that she picked that one!! I have been so overly emotional and down right irrational lately.

Last night I picked a fight with DH about the victims of Hurricane Katrina. Why?? Well I am not sure. But we differ greatly on politics and of course I blamed a lot of dear old GWB. I said that I thought that Katrina and its mishandling is going to be a hot button issue in the next election. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected (which I already know cause i have a bachelors in political science, duh!!) and it was a non issue. Plus he doesnt control FEMA. To which I went ballistic and gave my points about how he failed to put a competent person in charge of FEMA and how corrupt the Republican party is and so on. DH kept saying that GWB couldnt be re-elected over and over. Finally I had enough, cause I didnt vote for the horrible man, and told DH to "SHUSH!!!!!" He got so mad and I just wanted to be left alone. Its all so silly and kinda comical now but last night I wanted to do bodily harm to him. So it was good that I told her the story and we laughed and she prescribed Yaz. She knows me all too well......

Veteran

Ok so the hot flashes were ignored, the mood swings ignored, the pain, however was noted and it was decided by the doc that its my horrible evil endometriosis rearing its ugly head again. I am kinda pissed off, like that's anything new, that he didnt listen and immediately decided that it was endo related. Endo doesnt cause hot flashes and mood swings,but it does produce pain that wont go away. Easy diagnosis. Whatever. I am going back to who I should have gone to in the first place. By dear old friend who diagnosed me . Well I havent called yet but I will tomorrow and see what she says. There has got to be another treatment for endo other than the dreaded Lupron. I have had enough of Lupron. I hate Lupron. For those of you who dont know what it is it makes you go into menopause and it sucks!! Well actually it would make me feel better but I have taken it so many times that I am afraid of bone loss. Seriously. The doc asked me to give him a reason for not wanting Lupron so he could record it in my chart, and I said "cause it sucks!" and he wrote that down and chuckled. He's a good guy and I know him pretty well, but he didnt really seem to listen to me. He wants a pelvic u/s and that cant happen for 2 weeks so I here I sit in pain. Fine, I will wait.


The only real option if its truly endo related is a hysterectomy. Which is fine by me but I dont want to do a laparotomy. Thats the kind of cut one gets when they have a c section. I would do it tomorrow if they would do it laparoscopically. Thats where they make small incisions in your belly and take things out that way. Less recovery time and doesnt hurt as much. Laparotomy takes 8 weeks to recover from and is very painful. I dont really have the luxury to be out 8 weeks. I have no idea how things would work with dealing with the boys. And the other thing is that the MIL would be here making me nuts everyday and that is something that I cant handle. Seriously. I think that would make things worse. I have dealt with endo my whole life. Actually had the dx since 1997 and have had many surgeries, including both that I mentioned above, several times. Well more times that I would like to discuss here. Lets just say that I am veteran of pelvic surgery. Which sucks to!



On another note, the boys are doing fine. Ian is walking like Frankenstein all over the livingroom. Spencer is standing on his own in the middle of the room and is pretty excited about it. Ollie is crusing along the furniture watching the other two as they make mistakes so he can avoid them. They had their 15 month check up a few weeks ago and Ian weighed 22 1/2 pounds, Spencer weighed 20 1/2 pounds, and Oliver was 18 1/2 pounds.

We also stopped by the NICU today and to say hi to the nurses. It was a little over a year ago that Ollie was discharged. DH and I commerated the day last week. Its hard to believe that they are now 15 months old.

And finally, today is the anniversary of my Dad's passing in 2001. So Dad if you are reading this I miss you and I wish you could meet your grandsons!! Ian looks just like you, eventhough thats not really possible. :) I wish we could have had a better relationship while you were here. I regret not being a better daughter. I hope you know that I talk to you everyday and think of you all the time. I tell the boys about their grandpa that they will never meet. I miss you! Ok I am crying now.

The pause

Well I think it is really here. Perimenopause. That ugly word that no woman who is in her 30's wants to say or even think about. I have been having severe mood swings, hot flashes, almost daily migraines, and breast tenderness, all while being on the pill. I knew I had problems, hence the donor eggs, but was hoping that by being on the pill I wouldnt notice those awful symptoms. Monday I go see an RE who will hopefully listen to me and take my symptoms seriously.

I thought maybe all the mood swings could be from dealing with 3 15 month olds but I think its bigger than just them making me nuts. I am so cranky that I dont even like myself right now. I get mad at myself for being so irrational, kinda like how the boys are. Hmmm maybe its not the pause, maybe I am just mimicking the behavior of the boys? Now that is a scary thought!

Happy 4th of July

Yessss MOTHER, I am taking this driving thing seriously. Flashforward 15 years?? Ian

So today was the day!! Well it really was supposed to be tomorrow but it happened today. NO MORE FORMULA!!!! Sorry to shout but its such a wonderful thing. We had one can that had a popped lid and it was thrown away and whole milk was given. The boys didnt even notice. DH and I noticed in our checking account. Cha ching!!!

Spencer eating blackberries.

Today we went over to my good friend Yvette's house for her daughters 5th birthday party. I was there when Lola was born. I was also there when her baby brother was born 20 months ago. I was right in the middle of my donor cycle and had to go into her hospital room bathroom to inject myself with Lupron. We all had a great time. The boys were so good I cant believe it. It helps that her house has lots of toys and is child proof. I need to find more friends that have kids so when we go to their houses we wont have to worry about one of them taking a tumble down a large flight of steps or breaking anything. :)

Good Ole Ollie.

I was wrong

No ear infection for the boy. He just has a cold that doesnt want to go away. Fine, whatever. The problem now is he doesnt want to nap, and I desperately want him to. Although he is watching "Finding Nemo" and is pretty happy about it. Which I guess makes me happy to.

Here is a pic of Oliver from the other day.

More Pink Medicine??

I am pretty sure that Spencer has an ear infection. I am going to call the ped's office tomorrow but I am almost positive that's why he is so cranky. He is such a good natured guy but has been so cranky lately. He cries and laughs at the same time. Its so sad.

The work continues in the basement. Almost all the wiring is done. I have mudded all I can and am going to sand in preparation for the walls to be painted. All that is left are the stairs that have to be rebuilt (to make them wider), paint for the whole basement, and carpet. Then the fun begins!! I cant wait to have the boys down there so they have more room. Plus it will be a good place to have the MIL when she is here. I can hang upstairs while she is downstairs tending to the boys. Its such a wonderful thought.

Today DH and I went to Sams. We now have 4 cases of diapers and a box of wipes. Whooo Hooo!!! We also bought a gallon of whole milk in anticipation of the big day. Since I started my countdown the boys have consumed less and less formula and demanded more and more real food. So their will be a delay in the switch but it is coming soon!!

Not much else going on around here. It's been kinda boring lately. I guess that's a good thing.

Babies in Straight Jackets

September 2006

This is one of my favorite pictures of the boys. They loved to be swaddled. I wish I could swaddle them now but they are much to big and strong to be held down by some flimsy blanket.

Everyone has a cold. Ian has an ear infection on top of it. I would say that he is on the mend as well as Oliver. Spencer is the one who got it last and is now suffering the most. DH and I both got it.

Work continues in the basement. This weekend a friend of ours came over and put in some new ducts so we would have air conditioning down there. Today I taped and mudded the dry wall. Everyone kept saying how hard it was and how they hated doing it. I, actually, dont mind doing it. Its kinda like icing a cake and I love to bake so its right up my alley. Tomorrow I will sand and then remud and then again on Tuesday. The FIL wanted to be here to show me how to do it, and as I thought its really not rocket science. He wasnt here and things went smoothly. The MIL was here watching the boys much to my dismay. Ollie puked on her. She claims that he was coughing and it came up. DH and I know better. He was the first up after the nap and she was bouncing him and then it happened. I dont think that woman will ever learn. I am very hostile to her and I find that this works for me. I dont ask questions and dont make small talk. Its better that way. Its funny she asks DH if I am mad at her when I am nice to her not whenever I am cold and pretty much down right rude. Strange but hey whatever floats her boat!

Formula Countdown

As you can see at the top of the page there is a count down for the end of formula! I cant wait to be done with it. I swear we have spent so much money. I am actually afraid to try to calculate it because it would be mind boggling. People always want to know how much formula we go through, how many diapers a day we go through, etc. So here it is. I mix a whole can of Enfacare preemie formula every morning. It makes around 86 oz. Some days we go through the whole thing, some days there is a little left over in case of a midnight snack. I have to say that Enfamil has a great program for multiples and they sent us 9 cases of free stuff, thats like $250 worth of formula. Which took 18 days to use. Now the diaper thing I dont really keep track of for the same reason. We buy our diapers by the case from Sams Club. Dh and I purchase 3-4 cases a month and sometimes Grandma and Great Grandma will bring us some. Which really help out. If I am done to one case I kinda start freaking out, which is so silly. I have to have my stockpile!!

I have been shopping around to see how much whole milk is going to cost. Walmart seems to be the cheapest by at least 80 cents. And it just so happens that a Super Duper Walmart just opened in my town last week. I really hate to leave my nice comfortable supermarket for Wally World but when it comes to feeding three, wait slash that, four hungry boys (DH included) it makes the most sense for the money. Plus, Yo Baby yogurt is $1.55 cents cheaper there than my much loved supermarket. I dont really like shopping there because it is a free for all but I found that by going at off hours, like late at night, it is much more pleasant. But for the life of me I cant understand why people have their small kids out at 11pm and hanging out at Walmart. Some probably dont have a choice, I know, but it just seems strange to me. Why arent these kids on some sort of schedule? That being said, we are on sort of a schedule. The only two things that are a sure thing during the day is naptime and bedtime. Feedings times vary throughout the day but are three hours apart depending on when they get up. They do get lots of little snacks inbetween mealtimes. Bedtime is always 8pm whether they are ready or not. Cause God knows that I am ready!!! :)

What's the facination with the bathroom?

Spencer eating toliet paper.

Much better

Ollie and Great Aunt Laura
Ok so the fitness yoga class really did help. I am so sore but thats a good thing. I cant wait until Tuesday so I can go again. Hopefully I wont be so stiff next time. :)



Tonight DH and I took the boys to see Great Grandma and her sister, Great Aunt Laura before she left to return to Phoenix tomorrow. Aunt Laura is great. She is 93, still has cocktail hour, just recently sold her golf cart although still plays everyday, and is an all around wonderful woman. Its so funny to see two sisters in their late eighties and early nineties still bickering about things that happened when they were much younger. It makes me miss my sister who lives in Colorado. The boys had a great time and Ollie and Spencer went right down when we got home but Ian didnt want to go to sleep. Ugh. Normally he falls asleep on the ride home but everyone was carrying on and talking. At 9:30 I decided that we would go for another ride to see if he would go to sleep. I have never done this before and dont want to make a habit out of it but it worked!! He fell asleep quickly and is now comfy in his bed.



I am off to bed myself.

Yoga Class Part Deux

I just got back. I really missed the feeling of being centered and peace with yoga. Not to say that the class didnt kick my fat behind, but it was a good ass kicking. :)


I think that is what I needed. Hopefully I will be able to move tomorrow without too much pain. Plus hanging out with my good friend Julia is always a good thing. I havent laughed that hard in a long time.

Ian in Baby Prison

Yoga class

Tonight I am going to my first yoga class. I havent been in a year. I cant wait!!

House of Whiners

Ok, so I am the head whiner. I am bitchy and not exactly sure why. The boys are also bitchy. I cant seem to make them happy no matter how hard I try. I guess the saying is true, that if Mom's not happy no one is happy.

Spencer came down with a cold and it seems to creeped over to Ollie, Ian and myself. Maybe thats why we are all crabby? Hmmm sounds like a good reason but I think it runs deeper than that. I really think that we are all bored. I know I am. The basement is under construction and the new playroom is on its way. Which is a good thing. I hope that DH can find a laptop for me so I wont be cutoff from my internet addiction. The boys have lots of toys down there and have to remain down there as the living room is way to crowded for anything else to be added. The boys are all teething and thats probably adding to their whineyness.

Motherhood feels so lonely. I didnt know it was going to be like this. I feel so cut off from my former life. Is this how everyone feels or is it just me? Dont get me wrong, I love my boys with all my being, but it just doesnt feel like I exist anymore. Where is that fun, witty, overly sarcastic person that I once was? Will she ever return?

Alright enough whining I have to go make the boys lunch.

MIL Rant

The MIL is up my ass again for whatever reason. She makes me nuts. I try to ignore her comments but sometimes its so hard. The other day we went to a garage presale, her friend's daughter was having one and told us to come over a few days early to see what we wanted. Fine whatever. We go. She picks out every f-ing toy and has to buy them for her house. I on the other hand pick out a few things that I know they will play with and leave it at that. As the girl was tallying the very large bill, the MIL starts looking through the clothing. She pulls out a soccer jersey and says, "DH used to play soccer and loved it." I replied, "I used to play varsity soccer in high school." To which she replied, "oh that doesnt count." Meaning in MIL speak that I dont have anything to due with the boys abilities and that I am just the donor Mom. F-ing bitch. I get so aggravated with her and wanted to call her out right then and there but didnt know how to get out of the neighborhood. I only wish she would make comments like that in front of DH. Yes, I know, I am very sensitive about this issue. I didnt realize that she was going to throw the donor thing in my face every chance she got. What the hell would she have done if we adopted? Then they wouldnt have a genetic link to her. It just kills me. I know I should just ignore her but it seems that this is the root cause of our power struggle. It needs to come out in the open so she can deny it and then realize that I am on to her and so is DH. If it does its going to get ugly.
On a funnier note, on our way to the presale, she had to use GPS. She kept arguing with the GPS saying that wasnt the right way to go. See what I am dealing with.....

What a wonderful day....

Auntie Caitlin, Uncle Colin, and Ian

Today my very good friend Caitlin graduated from college! Way to go K Quinn!!! I am so proud of you.

A swing built for two?

Spence and Ollie share a swing.

I have a friend who is having twins, hopefully on Tuesday by scheduled c section. Hopefully, because she is going crazy and is tired of having her body being taken over by foreign invaders. She will be 36 weeks on Sunday. Oh how I wish I could have gotten to 36 weeks. 27 will be a number that I will always have in the back of my mind. Well to be exact it was 27 weeks 3 days. I had no idea how my dream pregnancy would turn out to be so different that what I expected. I didnt know anything about NICU, PDA, CO2 levels, vents, cpap, 27 calorie formula, reflux. I really dont want to know as much as I do now, but I cant change anything. No matter how hard I try. I guess I really cant complain things did turn out pretty good. All the boys are thriving and may be a little behind developmentally but that can be worked with.
My friend is having a aminocentisis on Monday to assess the babies lung development. So she is hoping for a number above 50. I had no idea what she was talking about but went with it. Later Dh told me that they are measuring the Sufractant in their lungs. Oh thats another thing I had no idea about. I have been talking with her daily about what can happen but putting a good spin on it. For instance, if the babies have to stay in the hopsital for something minor like being under a bili light. Big deal! Enjoy the few extra days, get pumping and get some sleep. I know she will be disappointed if the girls need to stay in uteuro past Tuesday but I know that it would be for the best. I really dont want her to know about the terms that I brought up a little farther up the page. Those things are not fun.

The boys are doing well. Spencer is finally crawling forward but cautiously. Ian is all over the place. Oliver is crawling backwards!! He is all over the place. The other day I found him in the hallway with his feet up on the wall singing him to himself. If he gets too far he usually cries and I go get him. The boys like Shrek and 101 Dalmations. Which is good for me because I am getting kinda tired of Baby Einstein and Lady and the Tramp. They seem to be playing more with toys and not really paying attention to the tv which is great. There were times when I had to have something running constantly to keep them from revolting.

The boys had their first trip to the park. Yes, I know they dont have hats on but were slathered down in sunscreen. They loved the swings. It was a pretty warm day so we didnt stay long. Here are some pics to enjoy.

Ian

Spencer

Ollie

Ian having fun!